Why My Husband Shouts At me?

How To Deal With A Shouting Husband

It is hurtful when your loving husband starts yelling at you. It leaves you shocked and feeling weird for a few moments.  

It is worse if he walks out before resolving the fight. It just prolongs the tension between you. 

 You have to be tired of walking on eggshells around him not knowing if he will lose it again. This is especially if it becomes a pattern and not just a one-time thing.

Why does he yell though? It could be for several reasons.

 

One is stress at work which finds a way into your home.  He could be feeling a lack of control over his workspace with the piling work. On a deeper level, he might have issues with how he handles fights. It could be learned from childhood where everyone tended to shout at the other. Shouting at you could be his way of proving his authority. Or he could be struggling with expressing himself to you. Men can have difficulty being open and direct with their women.  Possibly, he feels insecure about something but hides behind the shouting. When it becomes habitual it promotes a cycle of emotional abuse. Your husband can easily become a stranger if the yelling is never addressed by you two. 

This type of aggressive behavior can kill love. Do not allow that to happen if the two of you want to save your relationship. Nobody deserves to be yelled at especially by their spouse. Never think you have to tolerate it either. Worry not there is something you can do about it.

  

1. Make sure there is privacy

Have you ever witnessed couples fighting in public? There is so much drama and it becomes everyone’s fight. 

Let’s say you are at the restaurant and your husband starts arguing. You need to put a stop to it before it gets out of control. 

You could say to him, “Honey, can we talk about this at home? Let’s not waste this delicious meal.” That statement said in a soft tone puts things in control. 

It also makes him aware of where you both are.

Just make sure you both resolve that issue to avoid making things worse preferably without him shouting at you.

 

2. Do not shout back 

It is easy to scream and yell back at your husband. 

It might even feel satisfying but no one hears what the other says. The whole point of dealing with issues is to listen to each other and quickly find a solution.

Try your best to stay calm even if you are about to burst from inside with rage. This shows your husband you know how to deal with conflicts. 

When it is your turn to speak, use a low and calm tone. Here you are showing initiative to resolve your issues instead of adding fuel to fire.

 

3. Take a stand

This is after both of you have found a private place and the yelling has stopped.

Do not shy away from telling your husband you hate the shouting.  Tell him in the same polite but firm tone.

You want to be able to manage your problems like adults. 

He might not be aware that he raises his voice unexpectedly. You can reveal that it makes you feel small and even scared. 

This will bring your husband to your level of perspective.

If you still feel very bothered, you can take a time out. Go for a walk or run a small errand.

Removing yourself from that situation brings more clarity about how best to approach your husband. It also allows your husband to reflect on how his actions affect you. 

Remember, you did not yell back at him but remained silent. He might start wondering why and feel ashamed and humbled.

 

4. Come back and deal with it

Every couple argues about anything and everything. 

At the moment you are both together after calming down, tackle that issue right then. Do not dismiss it but ask leading questions to avoid constant fights over the same things. 

A leading question can be, “You keep getting annoyed at the smallest things I do. Could you make me understand better?”

This is you wanting to reason with him and not accusing. This will make your husband think about his answer. 

It could be an underlying issue like stress at work that makes him easily lose patience. 

Hopefully, you will end the argument as a happy couple.

 

5. Deal with arguments amicably

Importantly, both of you need to always have a system for dealing with arguments to avoid another shouting episode.

It also pays to establish ground rules like no shouting at the other or no silent treatment ever.

With time, the yelling will stop because you are more intentional on how you want to relate with each other during both big and small arguments.

Copy what successful couples do during arguments. They each have certain boundaries the other spouse cannot cross. 

There has to be mutual respect and open communication. Shouting at you in public is just outright disrespect and no consideration for your feelings.

If you both feel the need to see a relationship or conflict expert, go ahead. After all, the relationship needs the two of you happy and stable.

 

Shouting should never be part of your interactions.

It leaves you both with raw emotions and pent up anger and resentment. Every woman craves a man who treats her like a queen.  He should represent a safe place. 

Showing your husband to be cool and collected and not raise his voice is a win-win situation. You will not just accept things as they are lying down. You have a say too.

Saying no to shouting earns you more respect and consideration plus showing him you are a better wife. You also influence your husband to see how damaging his actions are. Keep maintaining those standards and you will have a peaceful home. 

If all else fails, convince your husband to seek professional help. He has to be willing to change his behavior if he cares about your relationship.