Why Has My Boyfriend Stopped Sleeping With Me? - Romancoholic

Why Has My Boyfriend Stopped Sleeping With Me?

couple not having sex

To sort out some common misconceptions, I'm going to tell you that the problem with his libido is most likely not about you. Still, if you’re thinking why has my boyfriend stopped sleeping with me, pay attention to what I’m going to say.

Both male and female sexual functionality (for want of a better phrase) depend on a number of factors.

Some of them you just wouldn't believe could affect a person's drive. 

Before addressing the possible causes with your boyfriend, approach with a cool head, and with the will to resolve the problem, not point fingers.

Stress 

He's been under a lot of stress and sex is the last thing on his mind. 

We're used to hearing how stress causes digestive issues and sleep deprivation among other things. 

But very few acknowledge that it can be responsible for a low sex drive, and here's how.

Believe it or not, family can be a big stressor for both men and women. Maybe your relationship is under the family microscope, or he's trying to cope with the pressure and expectations placed upon him.

Have any of his siblings advanced past him in career or love lately? Sibling rivalry can sometimes be enough to affect his sex drive.

We're aware that, nowadays, most of us work to live, rather than the other way around. We're more likely to dislike our job, bosses, coworkers (or all of the above.)

Watch how your man behaves and acts after a work day. Or, if you exchange work stories, look for clues (or ask him outright), for the things that stress him out.  

He feels emasculated

These days, a lot is expected of men.

Much more than they can achieve, most of the time.

They're expected to be the providers, caring, yet strong, the pillar of the relationship, with a steady job, income and place to live, and the list just goes on.

As a result, quite a number of guys today feel overwhelmed by expectations.

He wants to be all that and more for you, but in the process, he forgets how to relax and be himself.

Talk to him, help him feel like the man he is and the man you love, and he'll be back on track in no time.

Depression

Have you noticed any big changes in your boyfriend’s mood? 

Or do you know whether he has a history with mental illness? 

If, on top of that, your significant other is taking antidepressants, the lack of motivation will only intensify. 

For now, all you can do is to be there for him and the best advice I can give is not push it.

Your satisfaction can wait until he's back at 100%, or at least, close to it.

Mental health always comes first.

He watches too much porn

I'll keep this one short and sweet – don't underestimate pornography.

When in need, and you're either not around, or not in the mood, your man can turn to porn.

A lot of online discussions confirm that porn has warped the male sexual drive to the point of dysfunctionality, in many cases.

Ask him about this and if he admits it to be true, try to find out why he seeks pleasure in porn and not you.

The relationship itself

I won't lie, chances are also that the relationship between you two is what is behind this dry spell. 

It might be scary to realize it, especially when you're still very much in love.

And as you read these lines, just breathe deep and understand that even these problems can be fixed, so long as you work together.

Your chemistry is waning 

It's not uncommon for long-term couples to encounter this obstacle. 

The attraction is there, but it has taken a backseat to something else in your relationship. 

Perhaps you two swapped passion for the mundane everyday life. Or you started living together and you're working out the kinks of serious coexistence. 

Try to spot where the change in your relationship occurred and you just may find the cause behind your dry spell.

You've hit a sexual rut

This will come as a shocker, but – the problem could be you. 

Are you the kind of woman who gives her all in the bedroom, or do you let him always take the initiative? 

When men start to notice that they're the ones always initiating sex, they can become bored. 

So, make the first move, suggest new sex positions, or new places to try them. Talk sultry to him in a public place, like a true seductress… the options are endless! 

If you want to stay desirable and wanted, you'll have to make some effort. 

Past problems that you two haven't solved

All couples go through rough patches. 

Most of the time, we manage to solve them, but some fights seem to go on forever.

If your man is holding a grudge, or he feels wronged by an argument, or by you in some way, his emotions are affecting the way he perceives you.

Sex will be the last thing he feels like right now.

All of the above

Another possibly hard truth is that more than one thing is responsible for your boyfriend's lack of desire.

One issue can be bad enough, but combined, it’s a whole new situation.

However, identifying them one by one is a great first step towards solving not only the problem of his sex drive, but also easing your self-confidence.

But before I leave you to process all this information, I want to ask you to not jump to conclusions.

Odds are that your boyfriend is just as bothered by this as you are and can't figure out what's wrong.

Don't immediately assume he's doing this on purpose to hurt you.

Identify the problem, be approachable, and support him if you truly love him, because if he’s one of those men who take pride in their sexual prowess, this could be tearing him apart as well.

Work together to find a solution which deals with the root of the problem and take time to solve it. A good dose of patience will also help.

About the author

Zoe Lynn

I am an aspiring writer, lo-fi music lover, and a woman trying to keep her life varied and fulfilling, with never a dull moment.