We’ve all heard it: “relationships are not supposed to be hard”, “if you love each other it should be easy”, “if you’re meant to be together everything will just fall into place”, “if things become too hard, it’s not going to work”, and so on. But aren’t all really good things in life worth the effort, hard work and time you put into them? They do.
Why do relationships feel so hard sometimes?
The Excitement Of Something New.
At one time or another, you more than likely took up a new hobby, sport or interest. When I was a teenager I started horse riding. I can remember the first time I headed down to the farm, was lifted up onto a horse and led around in a circle by the instructor.
I was so excited about this new thing. It seemed so simple, and I couldn’t wait to do it again. Similar to a hobby, relationships are exciting and seem very simple in the beginning.
But there’s more to it, that was just the honeymoon phase. After a while you realize there are more and more things you need to work on.
You might wonder, do you have a future together? are you a good fit? That’s normal. Relationships are not all fun, games and hot sex.
Building The Relationship.
As time went on, I progressed from sitting on a horse, to steering the horse. Then came the trotting, I had to learn how to move up and down without bouncing off and after that was the canter. This was faster and more fun, but it took a really long time to perfect. That’s not all, next came jumping, and I loved jumping, but I also had to learn how to control my horse, how to sit correctly, how to anticipate the strides going in and out of the jump.
Many times when my body ached, when I had to wake up early on a Saturday morning to go train, when my horse just wouldn’t listen to me, when I had to read tons of books. My relationship with horse riding started off as a whim, but became one of the “hardest” hobbies/sports I had ever taken on in my life. Despite how difficult it became, I wanted to continue and I wanted to get better and better at it.
Just like taking up a new hobby is super exciting and interesting in the beginning, so is a relationship in those first few months.
But as time goes on, you’re not just going to continue “walking round in circles on a horse”, you’re going to want to learn more about your newfound relationship and partner. You’re going to start exploring new elements of your relationship together and learn about your partner’s traits and quirks (some of which you won’t like).
Why Do We Give Up When The Going Gets Tough?
Naturally, humans tend to move away from things that are difficult for us to do or be part of. We have to consciously decide to put time and effort into something that requires hard work.
We have to consciously force ourselves to continue no matter how uncomfortable we become. So in relationships, we tend to do the same thing. It’s hard to let go of someone you love, So Why stay and force ourselves out of our comfort zone, when we can just walk away and make our life less complicated?
Don’t be lazy. If you feel like this relationship is worth it, put in the work, talk, make it feel right.
The Best Things In Life Are Worth The Hard Times.
I am sure any athlete or professional will tell you that the best things in life are hard earned. They spend incredible amounts of time perfecting their craft to improve even if it’s just an inch. Relationships are no different, especially if this is the “best” relationship you have had.
If you want your relationship to grow, to blossom, to last a long time and be fulfilling, you need to work on it.
What Does It Mean To “Work On Your Relationship”?
This is probably the most important part of a healthy relationship and it’s the lack of communication that often ends most relationships.
Does your boyfriend and you Have Nothing To Talk About? If you and your partner are not communicating, then how do you know what your partner wants and vice-versa? Important things to communicate to your partner (and your partner to you):
- Things that make you happy
- Things that frustrate you
- The key things you want from your partner to feel fulfilled (this can be materialistic, emotional, physical, etc.)
- Your sexual needs
- Your life’s ambitions and goals
It is highly unlikely that you and your partner have the same likes, dislikes, pet peeves, interests and even outlooks on life. So if you take the time to talk and REALLY listen to each other, you will have a good idea of your differences and where your expectations are not being met.
This is where compromising comes in. It is not fair for either person in the relationship to completely change themselves to fully identify with their partner. And I am pretty sure it’s also impossible to do.
“Meeting somewhere in the middle” is the best way to assure your partner that they have been heard and considered. Even the subtle changes count and are appreciated.
Trusting your partner. Trust that they will listen to you, trust that they are able to compromise. You want to genuinely feel that they have your best interest at heart.
Gaining trust can be a difficult thing to do and takes time to develop. Both partners have to take the time to cultivate trust in their significant other and the relationship.
This can only be done by following the above two points – communicating and being willing to compromise.
If you can show your partner that you fully hear them and actually put in the effort to meet them halfway; you will gain more of their trust.
So, Are Relationships Supposed To Be Hard?
Just as working or developing a hobby or interest takes time, effort and a lot of willpower, so does a relationship.
It is important to not feel disheartened when there is a disagreement with your partner or you feel both of you just don’t seem to be on the same page. Instead take the time to communicate with your significant other, learn to both compromise and throughout all of this develop a trusting relationship.
These steps may sound simple, but putting them into practice will feel like hard work. So I guess yes, relationships are supposed to be hard. Well, at least the good ones.
And if you feel like you’re way past the point of regular relationship problems and you still love each other. You can still try and fix that relationship! If you think it’s worth it, don’t give up on it so easily