Sex has long been perceived as some kind of battle for supremacy.
A battle between the sexes, on who’ll learn more about the other, and how to use sex to gain favors and status…
It’s no wonder we alienate ourselves from each other.
We turn to magazines, blogs and urban legends to tell us what the other side desires in bed.
Because it can feel dangerous, tense and vulnerable to talk about it.
For the same reason men rarely share their true desires with women, unless anonymously.
The same thing happened when I asked my male friends for some opinions: you won’t name any names… right?
And of course, I didn’t. Instead, I’m sharing with you what men want in bed, but will never tell you.
Shut off your brain
We always complain how easy it is for men to get turned on.
He’ll give his heart to the first woman who does this...
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Once they get in the zone, they stay there and have an amazing time, while we constantly seem to struggle with our mind going places.
Did I do all the work for tomorrow?
Does my breath smell from those burritos we had earlier?
Oh God, does he notice I put on some weight?
Ladies… they notice our mood drop, but refrain from saying anything, out of fear for the barrage of complaints we’ll launch at them.
Not many guys will open up and say this, so I will: We need to shut our brains off.
Try it as an exercise; shut off all non-sexual thoughts for five minutes.
The next time, ten minutes.
And keep increasing.
We owe it to them AND ourselves to be fully committed to the moment.
Otherwise, why bother?
Get amazing at giving blowjobs
If you expected me to mention how men want more blowjobs, you’re slightly off course.
We already know that, don’t we? They aren’t subtle about receiving head.
What they don’t like to mention is their desire for you to pick up new tricks and expand your skillset.
Surprise him next time with a new move, because doing the same technique gets old fast.
Compliment his body
When asked anonymously, men revealed their own issues with body image.
They suffer from it too, but we just happen to be more vocal about it.
One of the things he’ll be embarrassed about asking (as we are!) is to compliment his body.
You can do this in two ways: verbally and non-verbally.
Throw out an off-handed compliment for a certain body part you like, and watch his eyes flicker with delight.
Or, you can grab him by the bicep, claw at his back, or touch any part of his body that pumps in a specific pose and show your appreciation without uttering a single word.
Trust me, he’ll pick up on this.
Take control, but with a twist!
Now, now, put back the kinky whips and handcuffs: not THAT kind of control.
I’m talking about the control of when, where and how.
The talk of the town nowadays is that men have been socially conditioned for generations to be instigators.
They approach at bars, they ask for numbers, they call first, they’re the ones to propose…
That’s a lot of social pressure to conform, and, sometimes, they need a break.
Only, they won’t say it out loud, fearing we’ll see them as weak.
So, take charge!
Show up on his doorstep in nothing but a long coat. Lean over the back of the sofa and pull him in.
Whisper sweet nothings at a party while you lead him to the coatroom.
Be the one to whisk HIM away, for a change.
Praise him like a pro
Okay, I’m going to cheat a little on this one, as it’s a thing to be done outside the bed.
Complimenting him was already mentioned above, but here I want to talk about praising your man.
This is something you do either immediately after sex, or when he’s around his friends.
Throwing a casual, subtle hint at his sexual prowess in public is bound to score some serious points with him.
Furthermore, he’ll definitely show his appreciation, so it’s a win-win situation.
Again, this is another thing you simply don’t ask a girl, so don’t expect him to spell it out.
Ooooh dirty talk, how we love thee.
Neither men nor women are strangers to it, and numerous other writers emphasize this too.
However, what men seem too embarrassed to mention (or say, between the sheets, in panting requests when all bets are off) is that they want you to say their name.
Scream it, moan it, whisper it, own it.
There is something tantalizing in the fantasy that, for a second there, he owns your body (we love it too, why play coy?).
Oscar Wilde said, “Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.”
Sex is a fun power struggle, and dirty talk just adds fuel to the fire.
Give him a chance to feel like a king where it feels best, between your thighs.
They want the attention
Much like a coin, sex has two sides.
The aforementioned power struggle is one: it’s raw, animalistic, untamed, and men eat it up.
But deep down, they pursue intimacy more than the conquests themselves.
My close male friends kept telling me how meaningless sex became when they went through rebound sex.
It’s the little things like giggles, chatter and intertwined fingers that make up the experience.
Without all that, sex is fleeting and definitely not memorable.
What you can do is to relax and enjoy. Shut off your brain, let yourself go.
Don’t be absent. Show him you see him there and then.
Touch his face, kiss him softly. Be present.
In the end…
Men and women may be different animals, but between the sheets, the lines blur.
Don’t buy the macho façade for a second. It’s the fear, shyness and insecurity more than anything that keeps them from connecting with us and sharing their most intimate thoughts.
And they notice when we stray from them, and lose interest in sex.
Even then, chances are they’ll stay quiet.
Men read our bodies like a book, and they care far more than they’re willing to admit.
And that’s what makes them so damn special, and makes them worth all the effort.
You’ll notice I mentioned talking dirty above.
Trust me, the quickest way to securing a man’s commitment is through his largest sex organ…
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