Once you’ve had your share of bad dates and have still not found “The One,” the dating scene can become quite depressing and stale. And the older you get, the pressure becomes worse. It’s only understandable that at some point, you start wondering what’s going wrong.
Well, for one, you need to stay clear of certain types of men if you want your chances to improve. Successful dating is based on learning from past mistakes and knowing who to date or not. So, before jumping back into the sea of fish, take note of these few types of men you’re better off excluding from your list.
1. Serial cheater
There is no golden rule regarding men who have cheated once in their life, saying they will do so again. That’s not something anyone can guarantee. I have many friends whose partners cheated on their initial partners with them. Yet, years later, they are still going strong in their consecutive relationships.
However, we all know that bad habits are hard to break. And the higher the numbers, the higher the probability they will do so again. If a guy is known to be a casanova, just give him a wide berth. There is no point in trying to change someone who is already set in his ways. You are not there to be his mother or counselor, so don’t lie to yourself. A habitual cheater won’t miraculously change just for you.
2. Compulsive liar
In his study of moral development, child psychologist Jean Piaget says that “the tendency to tell lies is a natural tendency, spontaneous and universal.” As adults, we become proficient at it. However, a guy that lies to you all the time is not someone with whom you should be wasting your time.
It might start with small, white lies. It might even seem harmless and cute in the beginning. However, it is no longer a joking matter when it becomes a habit and concerns more serious things.
You need someone who respects you enough that he is honest with you when it counts. You can’t rely on a compulsive liar.
3. Control freak
Guys who try controlling their partners might seem harmless initially, but they can become quite dangerous. Many of my friends who have dated a controlling guy have noticed at least a few very dangerous traits in their behavior. From trying to distance you from your friends and family to discouraging you from having an independent career, the negatives can vary.
The most memorable and traumatic story I remember is of a female patient of mine who frequently got physically abused whenever her controlling partner had the impression she was cheating. She could not dress up nicely without such arguments arising and, inevitably, a beating from his part. If you want a healthy relationship, you should avoid these men at all costs.
Social drinking has always been considered the norm. I’ve yet to hear someone say that having an occasional glass or two is a deal-breaker for a relationship. However, you have to be realistic when it comes to this dangerous habit. It is one thing to drink small amounts from time to time. It is an entirely different thing to drink almost daily or for the wrong reasons. “I need it to go to sleep!” or “I need a drink just to relax after a hard day of work.” If this is a guy’s view on alcohol, it should give you pause.
Alcohol is considered one of the hardest substances to let go of once addicted to. Just by looking at the news, you should know how harmful this can be to a person and their loved ones. From physical abuse to emotional trauma, the list is unending. Keep it safe and simple, and just avoid this type of guy altogether.
5. Bitter critic
It’s one thing to receive constructive criticism when you ask for it, but it is entirely different to date someone who sees only your flaws. Guys who like to over criticize can heavily affect your self-esteem in the long run.
A relationship should involve talking openly with each other and being honest about what you don’t like about each other. However, the purpose of that should be to grow together, not to put the other person down. If all you hear from your loved one is that you are “not good enough,” “not sexy enough,” “not smart enough”, it is easy to start believing these wrong affirmations. Your self-esteem can plummet, and so will your quality of life. It can even go as far as influence decisions you make in other areas of your life, be it professional or family life.
Don’t date a guy who pulls you down with his meanness and over-criticism. You owe yourself more than that.
Do you want to be holding up a relationship all by yourself? Is your ideal man the one who you have to drag along to get him to do the smallest of things? I’m quite sure that the answer from most women is a definitive “No!”.
There are early signs you can easily spot with this one. You’re always the first to contact him, you call him more than he calls you, he misses out on dates last minute, he can’t be bothered to make excuses even when he should. In short, if you are feeling like the only one carrying the heavy load, then you are probably with this type of man. And if you think he’s heavy weight now, imagine how this will be in the long run.
7. Superficial guy
Receiving compliments from your date is pleasing and makes any woman happy. It’s normal and healthy to expect physical attraction from a potential partner. You wouldn’t be able to have a satisfying sex life without it. However, men who seem to care more about your physical exterior above all else are only worth a one night stand or two.
If you are looking to date a man, you should be mindful of what he values you for. In a real relationship, sex can only carry things so far. It is also essential to remember that such men will easily find other women to “admire” and go after if looks are their weakness.
This one is not easy to spot initially, and you might end up dating for a while before realizing who you’re dealing with. A narcissistic guy is generally charismatic and loving at the start, but he actually lacks empathy for others and only cares for himself. In time, he will show his true colors. If challenged, you will be made to feel at fault or accused of being paranoid.
Once you start noticing the signs, you should extricate yourself from the relationship as soon as possible. Otherwise, you will only end up being hurt and emotionally drained.
You can’t change the world you live in, but you can choose how to react to it and some aspects of your life. Choosing who to date or not is also about making a smart decision. Choose to be smart about it and recognize these types of “non-datable” guys before you make a commitment.