The basic idea of a fantasy is that it’s a desire for something we can’t usually get or fulfill.
We all have them, and they’re a normal part of life.
But when it comes to sex fantasies, we tend to sweep them under the rug.
Usually afraid that they’ll run into misunderstandings or even judgment, they refrain from sharing even the most common fantasies with their girlfriends.
If you find that your boyfriend also hesitates when being open with you , or you want to figure it out for yourself, check out this raunchy list.
Not only will you find out which sex fantasies are actually quite common, I’ll also try to explain why your boyfriend may be hesitant to share it.
He’s a bit of a Peeping Tom.
Why: the age-old adrenaline rush of almost being caught, coupled with the fact that he’s doing something forbidden.
It may sound a bit creepy, but, if given the chance, wouldn’t we all indulge in taking a peek at a couple going at it?
Or someone handsome changing clothes?
Doing something a little dirty always makes the reward that bit sweeter.
There’s also the arousal you experience by being a fly on the wall all the while the object of his desire is blissfully unaware of his presence.
He gets to be whatever he wants to be; no restrictions.
Why: it’s fun, and it’s a playground.
Whether it’s his favorite superhero, a cop, a wealthy noble, or just someone slightly different from his real self.
Not to mention that an added bonus is that he gets to dress up, and so do you.
For a few brief moments, you get to step out of yourself and take on a whole new persona.
Letting you call the shots in bed, he wants to surrender to you without fear of judgement.
Why: His toughness can only last for so long. He's human, after all.
Even though modern society is trying to accept showing weakness as a good thing, men still find it difficult to open up.
More often than not, they’re expected to make tough decisions, refrain from being indecisive, and always know what to do.
This results in some men fantasizing about letting go completely and being frail, if only between the sheets.
Don’t hold it against him; it’s a healthy emotion being expressed physically.... albeit in an unexpected way.
Now this one is a classic, of course.
Why: Because being in bed with two attractive women is even better than with just one.
But don’t fear, it doesn’t mean he’s bored with you!
It’s the thrill of putting his girlfriend into a whole new sexy situation and watching her enjoy herself as much as he does.
Besides, it's not uncommon to indulge in the steamy fantasy of a little girl-on-girl action.
A woman taking advantage of him
While we frown at the idea of being used as a means to get pleasure, many men crave this feeling.
Why: it’s casual and fun
Aside from intimacy and love, sex is also about casual hookups every now and then.
Your boyfriend may just need relief, so every now and then he’d like for you two to just “bang and leave”.
Different from the quickie-against-the-kitchen-counter, when you take advantage of your boyfriend, you show him your primal side.
In other words, you show that you need him right then and there or you’ll burst.
And what better compliment can he get than that?
Masturbating his girlfriend
Masturbating his girlfriend feels more rewarding than doing it to himself.
Why: It's expected that he relishes the idea of satisfying you 100%.
He wants to be the one in whose hands you'll melt.
Controlling you like a puppet with his fingers, he holds your pleasure at his fingertips, literally.
He wants to know that it was his skill and touch, and not his penis, that brought you to orgasm.
The sight and sound of his woman writhing in his arms is more than enough to set him off.
Because, after all, being the master at pleasuring your girlfriend is the ultimate goal.
Wanting a woman he cannot have
Forbidden fruit always tastes better: a neighbor, coworker, even another man’s wife.
Why: The harder it is to get the woman, the greater the rush.
We feel the same about junk food when we're on a diet, chocolate when we're on a cleanse, and new outfits when our bank account is empty.
It's as if the thing becomes more tantalizing the exact moment we realize we can't have it.
Which is why few follow through. He knows the magic will be lost as soon as the object of his desire becomes available any time.
The hero fantasy
It's the typical boy’s fantasy.
Why: He gets to be the hero of the story every woman will fawn over.
He saves the damsel in distress and then she repays him with steamy sex.
Because in that moment, he becomes absolutely irresistible.
Whether he fantasizes about slaying dragons and sleeping with the princess in the tower, or simply fixing a broken-down car and getting a blowjob in the backseat from the hot car owner, it all boils down to the same:
The superhero/prince charming fantasy fulfills just that.
Ejaculation anywhere on her body
I happened to get a male opinion on this, but not an exact answer as to why.
Why: It's liberating for him, and, as most men claim, quite a sight.
Simply that the sight of his entire load spread over a supple woman's body is a turn-on in its own right.
Perhaps it's for the same reason of it being unusual and unwanted by many women.
I personally don't find it to be a marking of the territory fixation, but more of a guy thing.
Each to their own.
The eternally discussed adult topic, anal sex has also achieved the common fantasy status.
Why: It's a little unnatural, and the ultimate guarded female body part.
It sounds bad to say it, but most men really do crave that sensation of "entering" a forbidden area.
Since anal sex is not popular with many women, most of whom have never even tried it, it's like the ultimate achievement for many men.
And you can see why it's become a fantasy: popular media pokes fun at women who find anal disgusting, so, naturally, it seeps into real life.
It has always been something forbidden and rare, and, therefore, absolutely irresistible.
Actual sexual romance
Your boyfriend could also be fantasizing about something as common as idyllic love making.
Why: it’s the highest form of connection there is
Men are not simply horny animals when it comes to sex.
The sooner we let go of that stereotype, the better (haven’t we, already?)
Your boyfriend could be daydreaming about the moment where you make tender love for hours.
Contrary to racing towards orgasm, with sexual romance, he gets foreplay that lasts longer, as you explore and appreciate every inch of each other’s bodies.
Maybe all he fantasizes about is a deep, intimate connection–a deep and meaningful sexual union with someone who just gets him and accepts him.
BDSM has become another norm when it comes to fantasies.
Why: Boys love their toys.
In a good, consensual, mature BDSM session, you get to be the sexiest toy he has at his disposal.
When you play along as a timid yet lusty submissive, he gains control over your body and mind for the whole session.
And yet if you play the sultry domme, he can give in to you, in turn, completely.
Not to mention that the pleasure enhancing toys at your disposal are so varied, how could he ever not fantasize about trying them out.
A “happy ending” massage
Seeing as how these massages are illegal in most places, it’s no wonder they’re a common fantasy.
Why: hidden intentions are a big turn-on
What starts off as an innocent massage, ends in an oily, steamy release.
It’s something men crave, as it’s not only relaxing for the back, but he also gets a full body service.
Massage serves as great foreplay that puts him squarely as the focus of your attention.
That alone is a fantasy in its own right: your hands occupied with his body the entire time.
He wants you to give in completely
He doesn’t just want to you to be his plaything. He wants you to know it and own it.
Why: “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” – Oscar Wilde
This differs from ordinary submission in that you openly accept his dominance over you.
The fantasy includes you whispering his name and cooing into his ear how much you want him.
What he secretly expects is you saying how much you belong to him, that he can do everything to you, and how your mind and body are all his.
Being a male escort
They may not admit it, but men do often fantasize about being a male escort, or a gigolo.
Why: seducing women for money? Who could refuse?!
It’s as if Johnny Depp’s depiction of the famous Casanova popularized the idea.
Turning the seduction of women into a fine art, and getting their undivided attention.
Every man wants to be the best at the game, and it’s not so uncommon that they fantasize about knocking us off our feet with their approach.
Sex with a stranger
He can’t help but notice attractive people, and feel some level of lust toward them, no matter how small.
Why: it’s forbidden, different and something he’d probably never do.
If your boyfriend does fantasize about sex with a stranger, don’t start worrying you’re not enough.
Some of us are simply hardwired to find pleasure in the idea of having a sexual encounter with someone we barely know, just because we don’t know them.
You can cushion this, if you still find it an issue, by suggesting roleplay where you’ll act as strangers to each other.
The idea of having sex somewhere and nearly getting caught excites him to no end.
Why: It's all in the adrenaline rush.
Breaking the rules and possibly getting caught are the two major elements of the risky locations sex fantasy.
This includes locker rooms, other people's bedrooms, public places like parks and beaches.
It intersects with voyeurism to some extent, as it can also mean he likes the idea of someone watching him perform.
He has an affinity towards physical pain whether inflicting it or receiving it.
Why: It makes sex more primal, more physical. Enhances sensations.
Again, this is one of those fantasies you shouldn't be alarmed about, so long as it's within your limits.
Pain is a way to enhance pleasure for many lovers.
It's like a trigger for a whole new set of sensations that intermingle with arousal.
A master of oral
He fantasizes about the best oral sex of his life.
Why: Being satisfied with nothing but a girl's mouth is a whole different sensation.
More often than not, men will fantasize about that one blowjob that can take them to the moon.
They want the under the office desk fantasy.
The mid-football game on the couch oral.
Something less physically demanding than sex, but equally fulfilling, so you might want to look into that.
Where does this leave us?
Well, I hope it leaves you with a little more understanding of the common sex fantasy standpoint.
Whenever you discuss this with your boyfriend, make sure to keep an open mind.
Always start with yourself, with your own fantasies, and how you'd feel if he judged or misunderstood you.
Fantasies are healthy and necessary to keep our sexuality healthy and in check.
And if you don’t know where to start, check out Dirty Talk Secrets.
Discover what to say, how to say it and when to say it. Learn more here.