Is it possible that you might be “right person, wrong time”? situation? Yes, 100%.
However, it’s attributed far too long to the wrong kind of relationships. We as women need to recognize the true meaning of the phrase “right person, wrong time” and break away from this wild misconception.
This was brought to my attention recently due to the pandemic wreaking havoc on our lives and pretty much ruining my personal dating life. While experiencing the heartbreak brought on by this ‘right person, wrong time’ development I came to an alarming discovery – I had never truly understood what that phrase actually meant.
I went on to interview dozens of friends and colleagues, dug deep and shed light on past relationships and mythological exes.
It was really eye opening, we were able to really shed some light on how we see ourselves and our partner in and outside of a relationship.
What does it mean to be with the right person at the wrong time?
I had been using it as an excuse for far too many undeserving people in my past, and in turn, this affected my ability to truly move forward in my life.
This realization became clear to me as I cried and said goodbye in the arms of the man I was soon to be separated from until the day there will be a vaccine for COVID-19.
The man who truly was the right person, that held my heart so tenderly; there was no fear of it ever breaking. He came into my life at the wrong time, a time when the simple act of physically being together could bring too big of a loss to be justifiable any longer.
As I pulled away from our final embrace, I realized that until that moment I had never really felt that.
Everyone else had just been the wrong person.
We quickly dismiss the possibility of them being the wrong person for us
More often than not, we give our exes a free pass on the pain we endured even though we should not have dated those people in the first place. But why?
We’re usually much likely to start by pointing blame at ourselves. What did I do wrong? What could have I done differently?
NOTHING!
After taking time to heal and process, looking back, things could have been different; you and your partner could have done things differently but you didn’t. That’s perfectly fine, that was your relationship. In your next relationship you won’t be making the same mistake.
By blaming yourself, By manipulating the situation in our minds to fit the narrative of the ‘right person, wrong time’. We tell ourselves that if X hadn’t happened then Y would not have been the outcome. That’s not true, you’re just thinking about specific events and not the overall behavior and tone of the relationship.
Convincing ourselves that if we knew them two years from now when maturity kicked in a bit more. If we were different people, things would work out. Right?
By doing this we begin to associate red flags with specific places, times, and most importantly with ourselves. We end up shifting the blame onto ourselves, we start walking on eggshells in our next relationship so as not to repeat the same scenarios.
By doing these things we do not allow ourselves to fully reflect on the past. After taking some time to heal and process a breakup, Look back subjectively on the good AND the bad objectively. You’ll find behavior patterns and compromises you’ve made that do not suit you and are not right for you!
To have better relationships in the future, observe your past with clarity
Without being able to stare down our harshest truths we’re doomed to make the same mistakes. We do not allow ourselves to recognize what we have gone through, nor what others have put us through. Only you are held accountable for your own actions.
Don’t ignore it, this behavior can lead us down a path of bringing unresolved trauma into new relationships, or continuing to stay in relationships that are unhealthy for us. There are simple ways to tell if you’re in a toxic relationship.
By refusing to take off the rose colored glasses and take a good look at the people who’ve done us wrong; we see them only through a romanticized lens. We create fantasy versions of them in our minds, the person we wanted them to be. We remember the good memories, the few nice things they did. We choose to remember only a few bad ones, looking past most and make excuses for the rest.
Until those romance goggles come off, you’ll continue chasing people who remind you of the wrong person!
because our minds have been rewired to believe that they were the ‘right person at the wrong time’.
We might tell ourselves that now is the right time, and if we can find them again, things will work out this time. Things will be different… I’m here to tell you they won’t. They were not the right person for you, somewhere out there is the right person but the one you are holding onto isn’t.
Take off your rose colored lenses, take a deep breath and look clearly at your past together.
Let that breath out and take a rejuvenated step into the future where the right person is waiting.
