Pretty much everyone has been through on and off relationships. For some, it’s all they’ve known but the reality isn’t actually as sweet as it may seem.
When you break up with someone, it can seem romantic and even adorable for them to fight to win you back – only for the same problem to arise a month later. This is the typical cycle of on and off relationships.
Honestly, if you find that you’re stuck in this type of relationship, you might need to hear some cold hard truths.
Here’s the surprising reality of on and off again relationships.
1. They’re not healthy
These types of relationships aren’t healthy in the slightest. In fact, they’re one of the worst types (aside from abusive ones, at least).
And that’s just because you’re both sending each other into despair every time you end a relationship. Those highs and lows just aren’t good emotionally for your psyche.
Not only that, but the reasons you’re breaking up repeatedly are toxic. Having such an unhealthy relationship that you break up time and time again isn’t good for either of you.
2. You both don’t care enough
If you really loved each other, you’ve never break up in the first place.
Being in a relationship is about more than just agreeing with each other 100% of the time. Of course you’ll argue and you’ll go through your ups and downs.
That’s normal. Breaking up every time something negative comes up is not.
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It’s proof that both of you are willing to jump ship when things get rough and that’s not what caring about someone else is about.
3. It points to addictive behavior
For the same reason an alcoholic picks up a bottle of liquor, you get back with your ex. I know, that’s a big pill to swallow but it’s the reality of these types of relationships.
You hate the lows but you crave the highs of getting back together.
So in order to “get your fix,” you need to break up so you can feel the joy and euphoria of making up – and that’s not even to mention the breakup sex.
4. It’s most common in younger relationships
Many teenage or even young adult relationships are like this. You both can’t handle fighting because it disrupts your idea of a “perfect relationship” and so you leave.
If you were like this when you were younger and have carried this relationship habit into your adulthood, it’s time to do some serious reevaluation.
You both deserve better.
5. It’s a sign to evaluate the relationship
Like I mentioned above, an on and off relationship isn’t one you should be in.
If you’re always breaking up and getting back together, you have to think long and hard about your future and if there even is one with that person.
You’ll likely discover there isn’t.
How to Break Free of On and Off Relationships
Are you finally done? For the last time?
Good. It won’t be easy but once you recognize how toxic on and off relationships are, it’s much easier to move on and find some peace and even a better relationship.
Here’s what you can do to finally break the cycle and get out.
1. Follow the no contact rule
This is a fantastic way to cut ties for good. It’s basically ghosting but you actually tell him you’re done and then don’t contact him at all for 30 days.
The no contact rule works because it allows you to avoid falling into his trap of winning you back. You stay separated for long enough to move on.
2. Delete all his information
All of it. And get rid of all his stuff, too.
You don’t need anything tempting you to dive head first back into that toxic relationship again. When you actually delete his phone number and all his social profiles, you lose a way to connect with him.
You’ll actually benefit from blocking his number too.
It’s up to you to do this in order to end the cycle for good.
3. Stand your ground
No matter what anyone says, this is for you and your own mental health.
That relationship wasn’t good. Even if your family and friends loved him, you need to stay strong and stand by your decision to move on to something – and someone – much better.
Over time, this will become much easier and you won’t even have to hear anyone talk about him anymore.
4. Focus on yourself
The three weeks after a real breakup are always the worst. Your entire routine has shifted and you’ll feel as though you have to find yourself again.
The great news is that the busier you are, the easier it gets. So make sure to lose yourself in your hobbies and spend more time with friends.
Avoid talking about him and doing anything that reminds you of your time together. After a while, you’ll realize you don’t even think about him anymore.
5. Realize it’s for the best
It hurts to admit you’ve been harming your own relationship for so long, even if you’re not solely responsible.
You have to remember that doing this is not only the best for you, but for him too.
Clearly something between the two of you doesn’t work. It’ll do you some good to remember that you had a good time (for the most part) and hold those happy memories close while letting go of the rest.
A few months or even a year from now you’ll look back and see that your on and off relationship wasn’t even a good relationship.
On and off again relationships are no good. The harsh reality is that they’re toxic and can do more harm than good.
Do yourself a favor and move on from it so you can find a solid, long-lasting relationship you can actually feel good about.