Picture this: Your husband left his laptop unattended. His Facebook account is left signed in. You sit in front of the laptop and scroll through his news feed absent-mindedly. Then you start to realize your husband looks at other females on Facebook.
You put the cursor in the search box. Lo and behold. Various names of women come up.
You trust him fully but the voice within is telling you to check who these women are. Your heart is beating so fast you feel it could explode.
Why Does My Husband Look At Other Females on Facebook?
When your husband looks at women, whether in your presence or not, it will usually make you either angry or sad, or both.
I know you’ve heard this before but I’ll say it again: men are visual creatures. So when they see an attractive woman, either online or in real life, they can’t help but look. And usually, the look is nothing more than appreciating beauty when they see it.
And this is not just my opinion; let’s check out the science.
Research shows that the brains of men respond to neurochemicals that make them feel pleasure when they see a beautiful woman. Neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine are actually the culprit, not your husband.
When they’re released, your husband feels an involuntary surge of pleasure. This is what causes him to look in the first place.
Now, the likelihood of him ogling women with certain features increases each time because of the positive feeling it creates in him. So unsurprisingly, it becomes a habit…a hard habit to break for him.
What Should I Do When My Husband Looks At Other Females On Facebook?
You’ve discovered your husband is looking at other women online.
You know in your heart that you can’t compete with all of your husband’s fantasies.
You’ve thought of withdrawing from him but you realize he may use it to continue looking at other women online. Perhaps he might even go further down this road.
So what’s a wife to do after discovering her husband looks at other females on Facebook?
1. Talk to your husband.
Prepare some questions to ask your husband before you initiate the conversation. When you’ve come up with a list of questions, tell him about the following things:
- what you’ve discovered
- your willingness to work with him through this challenging episode
- your desire to hear his side of the story
When he feels that you’re genuine and that you’re not passing judgment even before you’ve heard what he has to say, he’s more likely to open up to you.
2. Listen to him.
Your husband probably doesn’t relish the fact that he’s hurt you. So even if your heart tells you to judge him and punish him for what he’s been doing behind your back, don’t follow it.
Instead, listen with the intent to understand where he’s coming from. Listen with compassion and humility. Then tell him how the situation has made you feel.
3. Offer to help him.
Let your husband know that you’re there to help. You can work together in developing strategies to recognize when he is looking at other women online and how he can prevent himself from being in that situation as much as possible.
Individual or marriage counseling are also some things you can suggest to him. Of course, it’ll depend on how grave the situation is.
4. Take stock of each other’s feelings.
It’s not going to be easy to see each other’s points of view, especially when you’re both hurting. But the truth is thoughtful and consistent validation is the single best thing you can do for your relationship.
When you show that you understand and accept the emotions each of you experience, both will feel less vulnerable. Trust is reestablished.
5. Encourage your husband.
So he’s come to recognize the problem. He’s expressed regret over what he’s done behind your back and agreed to work with you in building trust again.
There will be times he may be tempted to do it again. There will be times he’ll give in to what his body wants and look again in secret.
He’ll feel like a failure but you know it’s all part of the process. Be there to encourage him to not give up on himself, on you, and on your marriage.
6. Don’t say “Yes” if you don’t mean it.
Your healing and recovery will take time. If you’re not ready to be intimate with him again immediately, let him know. If he’s truly remorseful for his actions, he’ll understand and wait for you.
7. Overcome the urge to bring back what happened in the past.
Down the line, you’ll have disagreements as husband and wife. When this happens, avoid bringing up what happened in the past. This will just make him feel worse about himself.
If he continuously feels down and alone, he may end up going back to his bad habit to seek temporary relief.
8. Understand that it will take time.
It’s hard to trust your husband again after the betrayal you’ve experienced. Even so, remember that your marriage is still salvageable.
You can start by letting go of what happened in the past. Decide to forgive your husband.
Understand that this won’t happen overnight but if you offer understanding and love, you’ll be able to reconnect with your husband again.
Your husband may have gone astray but it’s never too late to get him back. By following my advice, you’ll quickly be on your way to helping your husband break his bad habit.