When a guy asks for space, it usually happens when things are going extremely well, doesn’t it? What on earth am I to do when my boyfriend says he needs space but keeps texting me?
It can happen during the most amazing date, after the best sex we’ve had, or as we prepare for a holiday trip.
Just when you think things couldn’t get any better, he pops the “I need space” phrase.
There are plenty of reasons why this happens.
But what does it mean when he asks for space?
It comes down to him wanting to put some distance between you two, usually due to some unresolved issues he has with himself.
At the same time, however, he expects you to be available should he text or call again to reconnect.
Now I don’t mean to freak you out, but more often than not, asking for space is sort of a “test run” for a break-up.
Some guys are pushing the boundaries to see if they could break up with you, but keep the lines open in case they want a booty call.
But let’s dial it back from this scenario a little.
What does this space mean for you?
When this happened to me, like all women in love, I started fretting and wondering what I did wrong.
Did I say, or do something?
Did I push him too hard?
Was I not pushing enough?
If he does need space because of your own jealous meltdown, or a similar mistake that made him reevaluate your relationship, he has every right.
However, it’s not uncommon that you did absolutely nothing wrong, and still he wants a timeout.
So, let me tell you…
…About guys who need space
The other kinds of men who need space (and the ones I ran into), do it because:
- He’s not sure he’s “in love”
- He needs to reevaluate his feelings
- He wants to “find himself” and is doing it for the both of you
- He needs to sort out the mess in his own head
The list can go on and on.
But the fact is that he has one excuse or another for why he needs to keep the two of you away.
The truth of the matter is, if he really loved you, he wouldn’t want the distance.
He’d tackle the problems head on with you by his side, and even allow you to help him.
But if he refuses to do either, then you need to stop reevaluating if you did something wrong and do the following:
Do give him space, by all means.
We love them, and so we honor their wishes.
We don’t want them to feel stifled or smothered and we don’t want to drive them away.
And so, we let them have their space. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?
However, that also means we need to wait and see what their next move is.
Keep yourself busy
As you stay in this “spatial limbo” of a relationship, try not to fret or worry.
You have all the right to be hurt and sad, but don’t obsess.
If he truly loves you, he’ll text you or call when everything is sorted out and have a darn good explanation why he needed time apart.
Go out with friends, even engage in some harmless flirting.
Find people who will value your presence and time.
Maintain some contact
While the most confusing and mixed thing is to see a generic text from your boyfriend about the weather or if you’re feeling okay, make sure you respond anyway.
Your response shouldn’t be too long and try to keep the text cordial and respectful.
Even if he’s just checking in on you, meet him halfway, and stay true to yourself, rather than be a doormat.
It’s good to be there for him, but if this continues, it’s time to let him know he’s losing you.
If he starts to text?
In this exact moment, you pause and tune in with how the text made you feel.
Were you happy? Relieved?
Or did you feel disappointed? Pressured?
Of course, it all depends on what he texts.
Polite acquaintances texts
I’ve had a guy contact me in a friendly manner (actually, as if we were just acquaintances), asking me very mundane things about my day.
Without even addressing the issue of the space he asked for, or the fact that it’s been two whole weeks of this silence.
In that case, you need to press the matter, but keep it dignified and polite.
Ask him what is happening, and if he’s ready to talk out his problems with you.
He can’t keep texting you every few days just to ask how you’re liking the weather or how work is going.
He asked for space, but now you deserve to know why.
Broken sad boy routine
I have my boyfriend to thank for this title.
He uses it for guys who invoke pity with their girlfriends by turning their problem into a “weight of the world” sob story.
He texts that he’s wrong for you, or damaged, unsure of what he wants in this relationship, or life in general.
When the issue could be easily solved with your help, he decides on using this tragic, overdramatic approach that is, honestly, a clear red flag.
Cut that down, or cut him out, fast. Do you really want to be with someone who brings this much drama into your life?
Broken sad boys need you to feed their ego, and once they’ve had their fill, they’ll ask for space.
Whichever text you get, take a step back and reevaluate.
In the end, the only one who has your back is you.
Think long and hard if the space you’re giving him is really worth the stress.
Men prone to depression will ask for space but will also appreciate every single effort you make to help them with their problems.
If you can help him, and he comes around and wants you to, help him go through his issues.
With the right words and support, you can come out of any problem stronger.
But if he insists on keeping a distance…
…Do yourself a favor and get a man who will treat you well.
A man who will pay attention to your every word and let you into his life without a second thought.
Wanting some distance is okay, but it’s true love if you want to come back to the other person at the end of the day, and just be who you are, with no pretense.