How to Let Go Of Someone You Love - Romancoholic

How to Let Go Of Someone You Love

letting go message on sand

Your world is crumbling around you. Now is the time to understand how to let go of someone you love.

Because he's gone, and he's not coming back. He hurt you, or you hurt him, and in any case – it's all over.

All that love you feel is now trapped inside you, and the only thing you want to do is hold him, love him, and keep him by your side.

How is life supposed to go on now?

I guarantee you – the world won't end, and neither will you.

Acknowledge your feelings

Separations and breakups are tough. Gut-wrenching, even. Most will try to avoid facing their feelings by drowning them in alcohol, drugs or rebounds full of meaningless sex.

But you don't have to resort to that. In fact, it will only make the pain worse.

Let yourself feel the hurt. Don't be afraid to feel like you'll break down into pieces.

In fact – DO break down into pieces instead of stifling it down. Because only then you can start to build yourself up.

Avoid contact

By all means, avoid any form of contacting him. Delete his number, stop looking at his profile on Facebook or Instagram, and stop frequenting the places he goes to.

Some form of isolation from him is necessary to get over him. And if he tries to start up a conversation with you, just decline him politely.

Explain that you need the distance and it would mean the world if he'd respect your wishes.

Rationalize 

The first thing to do when you're building yourself back up is to face the facts.

Depending on your situation, you either accept that he doesn't love you, realizing that, despite loving him, the relationship won't work, or that he loves someone else.

The trick is to lay out the truth to yourself and recognize it as reality. Remind yourself daily, if necessary, that you're no longer going to be together. Regardless of how much you still love him.

Think about the future 

If the abovementioned doesn't help, or you find it too harsh on yourself now, that's okay too. The alternative method is what I like to call "foreseeing the future."

With it, you imagine that your relationship had continued, with the knowledge you have now. Would you two be the same? Would things really get better? 

Every time I used this method to weigh whether to let go or fight, I realized I would be fighting for a relationship that was long lost. I would be fighting for a man who doesn't want me in his life.

And had we stayed together, we would have only become more toxic until we resented each other. At least this way, I'll always have the fond memories.

Write down everything

I've also found it extremely useful to have a journal. Express in ink what you can't in voice.  Write down everything you're feeling; it doesn't have to make sense.

My mom used to say, "Paper suffers everything."

So, let it all out, and don't erase anything, scratch out words, make a mess.

Because at the end of all that writing, you'll know yourself and your emotions more clearly. And, importantly, you'll realize how to move on.

Use visualization

Sure, you'll think I'm silly. But give a go, will you? 

Imagine your future without him. Now, imagine it in a positive light. Hold onto that image. There's a whole future ahead of you, so many people to meet, so many things to do. Visualize all the people in your life you're grateful for, who love and support you. 

Do that every day. And see how quickly you get your strength back.

Think of yourself 

This is a period where you'll be completely focused on him. Until your emotions sort out, you'll be eating ice cream by the bucket, crying your heart out, or working your butt off at the gym, even though your body aches.

But at some point, you'll have to start thinking about yourself.

Stop obsessing over him, and over what you could've had. Why? Odds are, if you have to let go of him, there probably wasn't much of a future for you. It's high time you started looking after yourself.

Because the girl inside who still believes in love needs your help. YOU are all you have.

It's all about control 

There is a piece of advice I was once given and I'll remember it for the rest of my life:

"Events in themselves aren't good or bad. The emotions and significance we give them define how we'll perceive them."

Put simply – this heartbreak doesn't have to break you (pun not intended). 

Realize it's just another event in a lifetime of things that happened and will happen.

Tell yourself you're strong and really believe it. Once you acknowledge this as just another bump in a much larger road you're on...The healing can finally begin.

Be gentle with yourself

The most important thing of all is to be kind to yourself. It is so, so easy to lose your head in the blame game and beat yourself up over what could have been done differently. But it's all a moot point now. Be kind, be gentle, be loving to yourself.

Contact friends. Don't be alone in sadness, don't be lonely. Pick up a hobby, start going to the gym, or take a trip with someone.

Spend more time with those near and dear to you. People help us heal much faster.

This is not the end

You're tempted to think that way, but I assure you, it's not. Women have often shown so much strength in times of turmoil. Whether our problems are bigger or smaller, global, or more personal, we always find a way to rise above them and heal.

We've all experienced pain and lived to tell the tale, because we're much stronger than we think. It's not hopeless, and you will find happiness soon again. I promise. 
About the author

Zoe Lynn

I am an aspiring writer, lo-fi music lover, and a woman trying to keep her life varied and fulfilling, with never a dull moment.