Keeping your sex life exciting is a major part of maintaining a happy and healthy relationship. For an added layer of fun in the bedroom, many couples want to learn how to have anal sex.
But knowing how to have anal sex the right way isn’t exactly common knowledge. There’s a lot more to it than with other sex acts and getting it right is necessary for both parties to find pleasure.
If you’re a newbie to the anal sex scene, I have some tips that’ll not only make it enjoyable for everyone involved, but it’ll also make your sex life that much more exciting.
Table of Contents
What Is Anal Sex?
First, we have to cover the basics. If you’re not completely sure what anal sex is, it’s simply when the man inserts himself into the woman’s anus instead of her vagina.
There’s not much more to it. That’s enough to be considered anal sex and most other anal play can be throw into the same category as well.
What Does It Feel Like?
This is probably the biggest question amongst those who haven’t yet had anal sex before. But more specifically, they want to know the pain level.
Does anal sex hurt? In truth, no. Not if it’s done correctly.
There is pain involved if you’re not properly prepared or if you rush into it without the proper knowledge of how to ease into things.
So long as you’re both patient and take the time to learn how to have anal sex in a pleasurable way, there is relatively no pain at all.
But what does it really feel like?
It’s not the same sensation as vaginal sex – for either of you. For men, it tends to be a lot tighter and often feels better. For women, the sensation is completely different.
Many who are new to anal sex wonder how it can even feel good or if it feels as if they’re going to the bathroom.
At first, it can feel uncomfortable as you’re getting used to the new sensation but once things start moving along, it can be extremely pleasurable.
This is for a number of reasons. Firstly, the g-spot can still be hit from anal sex. It’s just not typically as strong of a sensation and takes the right angles to touch it just right.
Secondly, that area is full of nerve endings. The sensation is very powerful just because of the number of nerves in this area.
Overall, the sensation is very strong and pleasurable but not exactly the same as vaginal sex.
How To Prepare For Anal Sex
Anal sex takes a great deal more preparation than other forms of intimate activity. Without proper preparation, it can be less than fun and can even cause pain for you. To make the most out of it, remember to prepare in these ways.
1. Stay clean
For obvious reasons, anal sex isn’t the most cleanly of sex acts out there. You have to clean yourself out and make sure everything is as fresh as possible.
This often involves relieving yourself beforehand and doing some deeper cleaning in the shower. It’ll be more pleasurable for both of you if it’s kept as clean as possible.
Plus, this makes it more sanitary and reduces discomfort.
2. Use lube
This is non-negotiable when it comes to anal sex. You simply can’t enjoy yourself without lube.
It’s best to get a very simple lube that doesn’t have too many added ingredients or stimulants – at least for now.
Pick one with an ingredient list that you know well and that has never caused you problems in the past and apply generously.
This is a time where the more, the merrier.
3. Use anal sex toys to stretch out
This might just help you the most. Many women who have never had anal sex before may be intimidated by this idea, but it can actually make the entire process a lot easier and more fun.
Get some anal sex toys and experiment with them.
Use a generous amount of lube and allow your body to relax as you insert them and keep them in for a while.
You can even purchase a few different types of plugs that go up in size so you can be sure to stretch out enough beforehand.
This helps you bypass some of the discomforts so you can get right to all the fun!
4. Relax yourself
It’s normal to be nervous before something like this but you really have to try and relax.
The tenser your body is, the worse the experience will be. Find ways to keep your body fully relaxed and release the tension.
If that means taking a bath beforehand, then do that. You can also have your partner give you a massage or have a couple of drinks just to loosen up.
The more you can relax, the better.
You have to talk about everything leading up to this act. You both have to be on the same page and find a way to communicate about what isn’t going well and what you like most.
Sit down and discuss why you both want to try something like this.
Be sure you feel comfortable enough to tell them if you don’t like it or when you want to stop. This isn’t something that can have one-way communication.
6. Use protection
Many don’t think protection is necessary with anal sex but it still is.
There’s still a risk for STDs and STIs and you want to make sure you’re both protected. Ultimately this is up to you but it can make the act a lot more pleasurable knowing nobody is at risk for anything.
Anal Sex For Beginners: What To Do
So you want to give anal sex a try but aren’t sure where to start. It can be intimidating and scary at first but with some help, you’ll know just what to do.
1. Prepare accordingly
As listed above, preparation is key to having a great time with anal sex, especially if it’s your first time adventuring to the backdoor.
Without being prepared, you’ll run into issues, could experience discomfort, and may be turned off of an otherwise extremely pleasurable avenue of intimate fun.
2. Don’t skip foreplay
One thing that makes anal sex the most fun is being extensively turned on. And just like with any other sex act, you can’t skip foreplay.
It’s essential to get your body warmed up for something like this. You want to be right on the edge of orgasm or even have received one clitorally before going for this.
Go ahead and do foreplay as if you were having sex like normal and just go through with anal instead.
3. Go very slowly
This isn’t like vaginal sex where you can just go right in and go to town.
You need a lot more time for your body to adjust with anal sex. Begin very slowly. You want to apply the lube liberally and make an effort to ease into it as slowly as you can.
As an added tip, make sure the guy is only inserting himself a little bit at a time and make sure you’re both communicating about how it feels.
Pause if it feels a little uncomfortable and force your body to relax before continuing.
4. Keep talking
You both need to keep the line of communication open and very clean. Never be confused about how the other person is feeling.
This is a delicate area that can cause a lot of pain if it’s mishandled.
Don’t be afraid to speak up if you want him to stop. Tell each other what feels good and what you want each other to do more of.
It’s all about pleasing each other and finding pleasure yourself. Whatever you need to say to make that happen, speak up.
This is the most important part of anal sex. In order for it to work correctly, you have to be fully relaxed.
If you’re not, it’ll only result in neither of you not having a very good time and you’ll probably end up in some level of pain.
Focus on deep breathing and consciously relaxing your back end. It might take some practice but after a while this will come naturally and it’ll get easier each time.
6. Figure out what feels best for you
No two people are alike with what they like in bed. That much rings true for anal sex too.
You may not really enjoy something another person does. It’s really about experimenting and finding what feels the best for both of you.
Keep in mind that certain positions can be better than others. You might also find certain lubes and speeds feel much better than others.
Take your time with this. Don’t rush through anything in an attempt to figure out what you like. That type of experiment takes time.
7. Try again
If you don’t really find it pleasurable at first, give it a couple more tries. You may have been too uptight or nervous to truly enjoy it.
So long as you’re following these steps to make your first bout of anal sex pleasurable, it’s worth trying a couple of times to learn if it’s really for you or not.
Just don’t continue to force enjoyment if you really don’t like it.
Best Lube For Anal Sex
Since lube is required for anal sex to be even a little bit pleasurable, you want to get the right kind. These are the best lubes you can use to make anal sex great.
This long-standing lube has a reputation for being the best for anal sex. It’s slick, long-lasting, and exactly what you need if this is your first time trying anal.
Remember that the quality of lube does matter so go with something like this.
2. Fifty Shades of Grey – At Ease
This lubricant is water-based and is advertised as being long-lasting with moisturizing qualities.
This one is perfect for those of you who don’t want to worry about reapplying – something that can be stressful for first-timers.
Another fantastic water-based lube that’ll make anal sex a breeze is this one by JimmyJane. One of the best things about it is that it’s in a very sleek, discreet glass bottle.
You can leave it right on the nightstand for ease of use when you initiate sex the next time.
If you’re looking for a very basic silicone-based lube that’s hypoallergenic and lacks glycerin (which can trigger some issues with people), this is the one for you.
It’s overall safer than most lubes and can be used for sex outside of anal play too.
5. Pjur Backdoor Relaxing Anal Glide
It’s just as the name suggests. This lube is silicone-based and on the thicker side, which allows it to last a very long time.
You won’t need to reapply unless you’re at it for hours and it aids in relaxing your backend in order to make the act more enjoyable.
Best Positions For Anal Sex
This will change from person to person. Not all women will like the same positions but there are some that tend to be more pleasurable than others.
This may sound like the stereotypical “boring” sex position but it actually has a lot to offer anal sex.
This position actually adds a sense of normality to the act, which can help both of you feel more comfortable since you’re doing something new for the first time.
It also gives the woman a sense of control since she can put her hands out to stop or slow the man easily.
2. Kinky Cowgirl
You know the cowgirl position has the woman straddling the man. This is exactly the same, but instead of vaginal penetration, it’s all anal.
If you’re a woman trying this for the first time and you want complete control, this is the position to choose. You get to decide how deep and how fast you move.
This is a far more intimate sex position that can actually feel incredible provided you’re both relaxed enough for it.
All you really have to do is both lie on your sides. Then the man enters from behind and you continue in this position.
It’s great for hitting that g-spot through the flesh wall from behind. It also gives the man a perfect reach-around to pleasure that clit.
4. The Plank
If you’re trying anal for the first time, this might be the best position for you in terms of ease and pleasure.
With this one, the woman lies flat on her stomach and the man enters from behind. It’s easiest to relax in this position and that helps with the pleasure the most.
You can always move out of this position after a while but getting started here is often the best.
5 Fun Anal Sex Toys To Try Out
If you’re looking to have more anal play fun, you’ll want to invest in a couple of sex toys to make things even better. These are the best types.
1. Anal beads
These aren’t just separate beads you put up there. They’re basically a string of beads that you can insert and remove. These are great for learning what the sensation is like and getting used to it.
2. Anal plugs
If you’re looking to enjoy anal sex, you’ll want some plugs. These not only stretch you out and make the actual act more enjoyable, but many people find pleasure in having them in during foreplay and other sex acts.
3. Anal vibrators
You may find that you enjoy anal play quite a bit and want to increase your pleasure in that area as a whole.
Anal vibrators are a perfection option for this. You can use them in your own time or prior to anal sex in order to get yourself in the mood while engaging in foreplay with your man.
4. Anal dildos
These are very much like regular dildos but tend to be milder so no injury takes place. You can have your partner use them on you during foreplay or just use them on your own for some fun anal play.
Here are some of our best anal dildos to consider using before jumping into the water.
5. Trainer kits
These are specific anal plugs designed to stretch the size of your anus in order to make sex in this manner more comfortable and more pleasurable.
They can start out very small and you gradually increase in size until they’re comfortable and pleasurable to insert and remove.
How To Orgasm During Anal Sex
There are a couple of ways you can master an orgasm during anal sex. This type of sex isn’t just for men! Women can have just as much pleasure and here’s how.
Women are rather lucky in the sense that we have a couple of different ways to reach orgasm.
Thankfully, you can still stimulate your clit while having anal sex. Your man can also be the one to do this and you can easily reach orgasm this way.
Many people don’t think the g-spot can be stimulated through anal sex but it really can.
It just takes the right angles and positions to hit the g-spot through the anal wall. The more you experiment, the easier it’ll be to figure out and get at the right spot.
And since every person is different, what works for some might not work for you. It’s all about communication and trying new things until you find out what works best.
3. With toys
There are plenty of toys you can add to your anal sex play that’ll help you reach orgasm. Using a vibrator of some sort is usually the best way to go, simply because it’s the most effective.
Experiment until you find one you really like that gets the job done.
Anal sex can be just as pleasurable for the woman as for the man and if a sex toy is what you need, go ahead and spring for one.
Dangers Of Anal Sex
Anal sex isn’t all fun and games. There are a few dangers and risks you have to consider before going into it.
1. Infection or STDs
Many who engage in anal sex often forgo condoms simply because they don’t think they need them. However, anal sex can put you at an even higher risk of STDs and infections.
Because the region isn’t as clean as other forms of sex, it can be breeding ground for harmful bacteria and viruses.
Make sure you’re always using protection and avoid using an oil-based lube with latex condoms as they can break them down.
If you’re not careful and don’t take things slowly, there’s a risk of injury. This is not just true for the outside being torn, but internal injuries can also take place and these can be rather dangerous.
As long as you’re using lube and making sure everyone is comfortable through the act, this is a very mild danger.
This is a fancy word that means if you engage in anal play for long enough and excessively, you may lose temporary control over bowels.
This just has to do with your muscles being so relaxed for so long and isn’t a major concern for the majority of people. However, it pays to be aware of all the risks.
Remember that anal sex isn’t for everyone.
Some people just don’t like it and that’s okay. In order to discover whether or not it’s for you, learn how to have anal sex the right way especially if it’s your first time.
Your sex life will be more exciting because of it!