How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text

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Maybe things are going well with the new man you’re dating…

Maybe you just want to find out…

Either way, you need to know how to take things to the next level with that guy.

You don’t want to risk losing him, right?


So keep his attention focused on you.

Because if it’s not on you, it’s going to be on another woman.

We’re going to look at how to flirt with a guy over text with 10 easy steps.

But first, let’s step back and get our thinking straight.

We’ve got the 5 W’s to consider before we even attempt to flirt text with him.

What Is Flirt Texting?

Let’s start with what it is not.

It is not sexting.

Sexting is text message communication that is designed to get one or both of you off.

Flirting with a guy over text is about building tension and attraction.

You are not meant to send nudes or sexually explicit pictures to each other.

Now, I’m not saying that won’t happen at some point in the future, but the last thing you want is for him to get the wrong idea of you.

And by wrong idea I mean you don’t want him to think you’re only good for sex.

So you’ve got to manage the balance between maintaining his interest in you and making sure he sees you as something more than just a sexual partner.

It can be difficult to achieve this, especially if he’s a player.

Flirting with him over text is guaranteed to keep him thinking about you when you’re not around.

Who Is Your Target?

Man Darts Target Blue shirt


Before you take things up a level with him, decide whether he’s worth your time.

Is he trustworthy? Is he going to give you the commitment you deserve? Is he planning on using you?

Even though you’re going to keep your flirty text messages PG-13, you want to make sure that he’s a man you can trust.

Not only that but do you know if he’ll respond positively?

Some guys hate texting.

You should have an idea if he is like this based on your communication history and any comments he’s previously made about texting.

Now, most guys are not like this, but watch out for the ones who think flirting via text is weird or corny.

While these men are rare, exclude the possibility and save yourself the embarrassment if he shoots you down.

Why Should You Learn To Flirt Over Text?


It’s about what you gain.

You can’t be around him 24/7 (and neither should you).

But don’t you worry about some other woman meeting him and stealing him away from you?

Of course, you do.

The great news is that you can stay in his thoughts by directly engaging a man’s largest sex organ:

His brain.

With flirty text messages, you’ll activate his sexual imagination, and he’ll be unable to stop thinking about you.

This minimizes the likelihood of him moving from you to another woman.

Where Should You Be?

Flirting over text requires a bit of thinking.

Especially while you’re learning how to do it well.

It’s about cultivating mystery, intrigue, and desire.

So don’t even try to do it when you’re in a busy place.

You’ll rush things, make spelling mistakes, and potentially leave him confused.

I recommend that you hold off until you’re somewhere quiet and calm.

This is going to vary depending on your own situation. It could be work, school, home or even at the library or on the train home.

Wherever it is, make sure you can think straight, and not be under pressure to text quickly.

When Should You Text Him?

a girl with a clock

Like Where, choose a time that allows you to text without too much distraction.

Just remember that there’s no perfect time.

You’re probably living a hectic life, and chances are he is too.

Evening time is ideal for most people.

We tend to be more relaxed towards the end of the day.

And when we’re relaxed, we’re more open to suggestion…

Plus, the evening time is when he’s most likely to be around other women.

Keep him focused on you with your distracting flirty text messages.

How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text

Flirting over text is the step between texting to convey information and sexting.

So you want to add elements of both to your skillset.

As we’ll discuss, you need to cultivate a sense of mystery and intrigue in him.

Sometimes the power of your words lies not in what you say, but in what you omit.

But don’t get me wrong…

This is not difficult to do effectively. And it’s a lot of fun.

You just need to follow a few important steps. 10 steps, to be precise.

And remember: subtlety is your friend; the less obvious you make it, the more his imagination will take over.

1. Establish Comfort

At this early stage of your time with this man, you’re slowly building the basis of some kind of relationship with him.

You’re getting to know him and develop a sense of whether you can trust him, and whether he’s in this for you, or just for sex.

Whatever your own motivations, you have to feel comfortable in yourself, and comfortable with him.

That is why you’re flirting and not sexting.

Try to get him using pet names like babe, baby, hun, etc. Even though they’re a small thing, these add to the depth of your connection with him.

2. Understand The Logistics – You

If you avoid these three things, you’ll be half-way there:

Don’t be drunk.

Don’t be bored.

And don’t feel needy.

When you’re drunk or feeling this way you end up saying too much or saying the wrong thing entirely.

Remember, you’re still getting to know this guy, and he’s also in the process of forming his opinion of you.

With that said, put yourself in a comfortable environment where you’re not being interrupted every minute.

Like I mentioned above, evening time is probably the best time of the day for text flirting.

But you’ll know best, based on your schedule and your knowledge of his.

3. Understand The Logistics – Him

Put simply, is he in a place that will allow him to give you his full attention?

Now, while he doesn’t need to dedicate his entire focus to you when text flirting, he does need to be able to read and respond comfortably.

Because if he’s in a crowded and noisy place with friends or training at the gym, or busy at work, he’ll not be able to concentrate on your messages or his replies to you.

Even worse, he may try to write back to you in these situations because he likes you a lot.

He’ll end up missing your meaning or saying something stupid, killing the romance.

4. Initiate The Conversation

Let him know you’re thinking of him. This is how you feel him out.

It will depend on your normal texting style but it should be something simple like,

“Hey, how was your day?”

If he responds with a clearly moody answer or negative response, you’ll know it’s probably not the right time to flirt with him.

People are very split on the use of emoticons. I personally think that when girls use them it’s cute and often makes me smile.

However, as a man, I never use them.

Go with what works for you. Using the winking smiley face 😉 is great for suggestive messages.

And don’t be afraid to initiate the conversation more often with him either. It’s never a 50/50 case of him texting first, and next time you texting first.

One person in the relationship will always be the main initiator, so don’t worry too much about it.

5. Make Him Come To You

come over

The natural order of human beings is for the man to come to the woman.

Now, while there are plenty of exceptions to this in the modern world, a healthy man’s basic instincts and animal brain work on this principle.

But how on earth can you enact this with flirting over text?

Simple. Text some suggestive words, his response to which can only be a chasing action.

For example:

You: I’ve just got home. I’ve got the place to myself 😉

What do you think his natural response will be? Let me share with you how a man thinks in this situation.

I would involuntarily imagine myself in your home, with nobody there except you. I have psychologically left where I am now, and traveled to you.

It’s a very subtle effect, but getting your man to mentally place himself within your proximity is the first step in activating his arousal mechanisms.

6. Activate His Imagination

Similarly, you can craft a flirty text message with simple suggestive wording:

You: I’ve just had a long hot shower, drying myself off right now…

As he reads this, his mind wanders into sexual imagery.

He pictures you, naked, or partly naked, and he begins to become aroused.

Now, this arousal can come in many intensities. Low-level arousal is what he feels when you communicate in this subtle way.

But it’s taken him from whatever boring thing he’s doing, to a state of sexual interest in you.

If you can learn his arousal triggers, you’ll have the power to make him addicted to you.

7. Develop Your Text Flirting Style

When you’re flirting with him you want to always give less than he gives.

If he sends three messages, you respond with two.

It shows the extra work a man puts in when chasing a woman.

Which makes him perceive you as a prize worth fighting for.

Take your time writing back too. But not too long.

I sometimes come across women who go too far in this area. It’s unattractive, and clearly some kind of exaggerated game they’re playing.

Allow maybe ten minutes before you send your next message. If he takes twenty minutes to respond, then you take twenty too.

Remember to invoke some mystery by leaving certain details out. Get him wondering, and trying to figure you out.

8. Push And Pull

As you get more practice with flirting over text, you’ll come to understand the magic point.

That’s the balance between him being driven crazy with interest in you, and becoming irritated at being pushed away.

Seduction, romance, attraction: all involve a delicate dance between you and your man.

Let me show you what I mean:

You: I’ve just had a long hot shower, drying myself off right now…

Him: Would love to help you dry off

You: Oh really? And how would you do it?

Him: I’d go behind you, gently caress your skin, you’ll feel my strong hands all over you

You: I’m dry now, guess you’re too late

Him: Damn

You: I might need some help picking out something to wear though…

9. Keep It PG-13

pg 13 sign

Maintain this balance between innocent and flirty communication.

Gently push him away and then pull him back in just as he’s about to lose hope.

The tension will drive him crazy with lust for you.

You can make this easier on yourself by avoiding obvious sexual statements.

Subtlety is your friend here.

Always keep in the back of your mind that he hasn’t earned the privilege of sexting you at this early stage.

He has to prove himself trustworthy of your body and your time.

If you give it all away at this early stage he’ll see you as easy.

10. Experiment

If, in the middle of a text flirting conversation, he seems to lose interest and stops responding, don’t worry.

There can be any number of reasons why he’s had to stop.

Whatever you do, don’t send a message after an unanswered one. It reeks of desperation.

Let him come back to you. Practice self-control, and don’t allow yourself to give in to the temptation to message him again.

By all means, if he still hasn’t replied by the next day, feel free to reach out to him.

And when it comes to multiple flirty text exchanges, learn to experiment with your approach.

Over time, you’ll get an idea of what works for you, and about what usually works for most guys.

When you’ve gotten to know your man more intimately (in a physical sense) you can experiment with sexting.

But keep that under wraps for now.

Closing Words

Developing your ability to flirt with a guy over text is very important in the modern world of communication.

You’ve got to keep him thinking about you while you’re not around.

There are just too many distractions for him.

But if you follow my advice you’ll become an expert after only a little bit of practice and experimentation.

Was this too much for you?

Feeling a bit lost?

Worry no more, my good friend Amy who thought me A LOT about texting and building chemistry has a presentation for ya.

Don’t miss the best part out 🙂

Amy Text Specialist