When you start realizing that your marriage isn’t working, it can feel like it’s the end of the world. And how to fix a broken marriage is a huge topic in itself.
It’s not possible to point a finger at any one thing that led to the downfall. But before you realized it, everything started to fall apart.
You stopped connecting emotionally, your fights started lasting forever, and you started feeling shackled and caught up in a million different things.
However, there are a few simple and effective measures that can help you find your feet again. You and your man have to work together and show effort on both sides, and anything is possible.
There was a reason you both tied the knot in the first place and decided to spend the rest of your lives together. If you thought it possible back then, it’s still possible now.
Don't Wait for Your Husband to Make the First Move
While many counsellors might be right in suggesting a combined approach to fixing things, this might not be possible all the time.
If you are really looking to fix things that are broken in your marriage, begin as soon as possible. Don’t wait for your spouse to be the one to take the first step.
He might even be too ashamed to mend things and might need a push to express himself after such a long time. You’ll never know until you make that move. So do it, and make it quick.
Engage in Honest Communication
It can be frustrating to communicate in the manner counsellors often ask you to. For example, “I hear what you say and appreciate your concern...”
You can feel like you’re pretending to be someone you’re not with this kind of approach. It can feel false.
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He fell in love with your spontaneity and quirkiness, or your quick wit. Indulging in carefree expression that is natural, raw, and spontaneous shows that you are being yourself with him.
It is something that he’ll appreciate a lot more as effort than fake phrases of validation and understanding.
So, mix them both up and use your IQ to invest verbally in your marriage again.
Don’t Shut Yourself Off
Being one of those annoying people who opens up only when certain criteria are met is selfish in a sense. This is the time for action.
Refusing to extend the olive branch and make efforts and sacrifices of your own will only end up becoming an obstacle to mending your marriage.
Your husband might try things he has never done before and you might overlook the value of this effort if you keep thinking only about yourself.
Make sure you do not close yourself off. Instead start opening yourself up to trying new things and approaches so that you also show you’re making the effort to fix your marriage.
Talking and Listening Are Equally Important
While the last few months may have been full of rants, tantrums and outbursts by you both, it doesn’t mean that you should stop listening to each other.
Most marriages start getting off-track when you are no longer able to get through to each other.
When you try to listen as much as you talk you will help your man sense that you are trying to be there for him.
He will begin finding comfort and safety in sharing things with you He will also develop a sense of honesty and goodwill in the process.
If there are specific things that you believe have led to the downfall of your marriage, share them and be rational about trying to cope with them.
Focus on What You Loved about Your Spouse
There was a whole lot of things that first attracted you to your spouse all those years ago. Lots of things may change but many of his virtues remain the same.
Amidst all the misunderstanding and the anger, you might have lost sight of these parts of him and given up hope of ever getting to the place where you see them again.
However, it is not impossible to rediscover these again. Showing some affection and intimacy to kickstart this process might not be such a bad idea.
Patience and Commitment
Everybody knows that patience is a key ingredient to a happy life. While this might seem a bit obvious, it is worth actively remembering.
By committing to this process and being your best self you will help your spouse see that you are making the effort.
Patience also allows the both of you ample space and freedom to change certain behaviors in a responsible and sustainable way.
Each little action may not seem like much when you look at it in isolation. However, when you add everything up, real change is clear.
So work on your patience, express your commitment and wait for the change to take place.
There is a point when you need to decide that the past is the past and the future is there to be created from this point forward. While you’ve now addressed all your mistakes (and his) there is no longer any point dwelling on it.
As a couple, now that you’ve come together and deeply understood your issues, you realize the importance of working diligently to never again let the same mistakes happen.
Not only this, work on developing and nurturing a sense of hope to accompany this process. This is can be helped with a burst of intimacy or even a change of setting, like a trip to some place you both have always wanted to visit.
Have faith in each other, and remember how you began this journey together. You have both invested so much in each other that you owe it to yourselves to rekindle your flame and push forward together.