Before we go any further, let’s agree on one thing:
There are good men everywhere.
If you can’t find one, you’re not doing something right.
But don’t worry… I’m here to help.
On one condition:
Do you promise to make a few small changes to your life?
Is that a yes?
Because there are two types of women who ask how to find a good man.
One group blames men.
The other group takes a cold, hard look at themselves and tries to understand where they’re going wrong.
(A note to the group blaming men: this article is not for you. The problem is with you, and nothing I can say will change your mind.)
So let’s start with the basics.
Feel Great With How You Look
If you’re not satisfied with your appearance, don’t worry.
Most women are not happy with how they look.
The important thing is that you look good enough.
Men aren’t looking for perfection. Because we’re not perfect either.
Just concentrate on looking as good as possible because men value beauty in a woman.
Dress in a way that accentuates your body. Don’t flaunt yourself.
Women who dress provocatively send signals to good men that tell them sexual attraction is really all they can offer.
By all means dress to catch the eye of the good man, but know where the line between slutty and sultry lies. (There are other ways of getting his attention)
And if you’re not satisfied with how your body looks, take some time to understand the value of good diet and regular exercise.
With a few hours a week in the gym, and not eating more than your body needs, you’ll look great.
And of course, appearance isn’t everything, but it is hugely important.
The goal is to be attractive, inside and out. Your positivity will pull men into your life.
So let’s assume that you’ve got your appearance down.
What do you?
Do you do interesting and fun things?
Sitting at home watching movies or TV series is not something good men do.
Of course, there’s a time for that.
But do you things that excite you? Things that give you great stories to tell?
Do you create art or music? Even if it’s not perfect, it’s still you.
You’ll find good men when you are giving to the world, putting your energy into active pursuits, where you meet people and interact with them.
We’ll look more at where to meet good men later in this article.
But staying at home or going to the same places day after day will not put you into contact with enough good men.
Get Your Mindset Right
How you think about men is a huge part of how to find a good man.
Do you know what kind of woman good men want?
Most of the good men out there are not looking for an “independent woman/girl power” type.
We value independence in women, but not the try-hard attitude you see on TV.
Good men are in tune with their nature as men, and we seek women in tune with their feminine nature.
Now, I’m not saying you need to be a perfect woman in every way.
But keep the ideology out of it.
If you’ve got anger issues, sort this out now. Blaming others for your unhappiness will only keep you unhappy.
Meeting a good man won’t help you, it will only push him away.
And, in your eyes, what is a good man?
It’s different for every woman, so create a list of the attributes you value most in your idea of what makes a man good.
Of course, no man will ever tick every box.
But then, neither will you.
Decide which things are most important for you. Stop spending time with men who don’t live up to your reasonable expectations.
And at the same time, develop an attitude of patience.
All men have bad habits, and many of these can be overcome with enough time and encouragement.
Don’t throw away something good with a good man, just because it’s not perfect.
When you do meet him, be who you are.
Be honest about yourself, otherwise, he’ll fall in love with a version of you that is not real.
Because you’ll never be able to keep it up.
Go To Where They Are
Sounds simple, right?
But this can be one of the most difficult parts of how to find a good man.
Knowing where to look is easy if you know how good men think.
Usually, we like to do things other than going to bars and watching the game.
Or going to the club and getting drunk.
You’ll find us on meetup.com where we’re members of film, music, wine-tasting, comedy and art groups.
When you find a group that shares your interests, attend one of the meetups.
Of course, if that’s not your thing, there are hiking, biking, business networking, philosophy, political debate, and many more groups.
I recommend trying a few and seeing whether the men there meet your taste.
There are also equivalent Facebook groups.
Aside from online meetup groups, you’ve also got dating apps like Tinder, or dating websites like OkCupid.
My opinion on these?
You’ll find quantity there, but not quality.
Of course, you’ll read about success stories, but nobody posts about their embarrassing Tinder fails…
My strongest suggestion for you is to develop your social circle and meet good guys through your connections.
The guys will be vetted so there is more trust involved, and your friends have a good idea of what kind of guy you’re looking for too.
So you’ll avoid meeting creepy men.
These two factors will also save you a ton of time, especially as you wade through the thirsty online dating message from every type of guy.
Lastly, pay attention to the following.
If you want to increase the chances of a good man approaching you as you go about your day, take out your earphones and stop walking so quickly.
You’re wondering how to find a good man yet you rush around, ignoring the multitude of guys you pass every day.
Give it a try, and do more to encourage a genuine connection during the day time, whether it’s at the store, waiting for the train, or even crossing the street.
Play Good Games Together
And don’t forget the next step either…
Once you’ve met a good guy, you’ll want to know how to hold on to him.
Dating and attraction is a dance.
You’ve got to play games with him – to a degree.
When people talk about playing games, it’s usually in reference to something negative.
But the ability to hold a man’s interest requires you to keep him guessing and sometimes confused about your intentions.
It’s how you stop him from moving on to the next woman.
It’s also how you test him as a man.
Is he going to be worthy of your time and attention?
If he’s impatient and is always trying to rush things, you’ll know he’s not right for you.
How else can you tell?
When you’re late for a date, without informing him, how does he respond?
If he’s moody and doesn’t say anything, it’s a bad sign. You want to see if he’ll tell you that he’s unhappy with your being late and that it’s not acceptable to him.
When he texts you, and you delay a response by about 15 minutes, does he immediately write back?
It’s a sign he’s usually not up to much and overly eager.
Ideally, you want to find the balance between pushing him away and pulling him to you.
Flirting by text is an ideal way, and should be a skill you develop.
It’s equally important that you’re prepared to give him space.
Genuinely good men need alone time, and time with their friends and hobbies.
Some guys might choose to spend more time with you initially, which is great, but the other areas of their life can’t be allowed to suffer.
Remember, you’re falling for this guy, as he is. That means you can’t allow his life to change too much, or he’ll change into a different man.
And by different, this usually means less interesting and exciting.
The more space you give him, the more he’ll appreciate you. (Remember how absence can be good for your relationship)
Decide what your boundaries are, and stick to them. Good or bad man, he will not respect you if you can’t stand up for yourself.
Similarly, he’ll take you for granted if he gets his way with you early on in your relationship.
The final secret for how to find a good man lies in accepting him as he is and how he is.
Avoid the temptation to mold him into the perfect guy. It’s impossible, and it will ruin what you have.
Your good guy will have flaws and bad habits, and if he seeks your help, by all means, encourage him to change what he can.
But just remember that you too have your imperfections, and always will.