The unexpected, much to all your friends’ and family’s surprise has happened: After a long time together, you and your boyfriend broke up.
You’ve been together for quite a while, and you’ve possibly entertained the thought of spending your lives together.
But even long term relationships reach a point that either makes or breaks them. An obstacle too great to overcome appears and it seems the only solution is to part ways.
And when the post-breakup blues hit, they hits hard, regardless of who ended the relationship.
Unfortunately, those couples who were together a few weeks to a few months have it easier. They haven’t gotten to form some kind of life together.
The longer you were in a relationship, the harder it will be to move on, because a big part of your life is suddenly cut off. And all that is left is, for the lack of a better word, a void.
At first, it will seem empty, and vast. A person you’ve spent so much time with is no longer there, and that is when the initial adjustment sets in.
And you’ll battle with questions such as whether you should get back with your ex.
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So take the time to heal–cry, be angry, be empty, even. Whatever helps you cope with the loneliness that comes with the break up.
Finding your own footing after relying on someone for so long takes time and strength, no matter how good or bad the relationship was.
It will be a while until you go back to ordering for one, watching Netflix on your own or doing grocery shopping by yourself without it feeling strange.
Don’t worry: after some time, it will come as natural, but, until then, it’s an uphill battle with yourself.
And you can trust me when I say that what comes next is the fun part.
How DO you be single?
Sure, you’ve grown accustomed to living on your own; you Netflix and chill alone, go to parties and get-togethers, visit your family, go out with some friends… until it all starts to feel mundane.
It’s not loneliness, but it feels off, and you can’t quite put your finger on why it is that way.
When we’ve been in a relationship for so long, we tend to forget what it felt like to be single; being on our own.
While in a relationship with someone else, we push the relationship with ourselves aside. It’s something that happens often, without us knowing it.
And the best way to retrieve and solidify that individuality is when you’re single.
Many blogs and websites will provide you with a bucket-full of advice on how to be single–which is fine, for a short period.
Take up a sport, watch all your favorite movies, get social, reunite with old friends, and so on.
But I want to take it one step up for you.
Contrary to popular belief, the single life is not a curse, or an indicator that no one wants you. It is an amazing opportunity to recover from your previous relationship, reevaluate yourself and work on becoming the better you.
And after a long relationship ends, the last part is especially important.
You’re probably asking yourself what I mean by making yourself better. Well, relationships take up time.
They’re one of the four cores of your life, along with family/friends, health and career. The more things you focus on, the less time you have left for yourself.
Your love life will often be the most consuming of them all, as a lot of time and work is spent on creating a life together, always looking to make your relationship more fulfilling.
But once you’re single, there’s all that extra space and time for yourself again.
And this is the part that can get scary, in that ordinary everyday life after a break up: What do I do with myself?
The answer is simple:
Find your passion
A passion is more than a simple hobby. When you’re passionate about something, it becomes the driving force behind a lot of your decisions.
It makes getting up in the morning easier, gives you an emotional outlet, and helps shape you as a woman.
Whether it is embroidery, digital art, studying a new language, joining a new sports club, or forming a band: pursuing a passion is the remedy to being single after a long relationship.
So, how exactly does it help?
First of all, your passion is not just an outlet for frustrations, but also a channel for your creative side.
We were all creative and imaginative as kids, but as soon as we grew up, it got pushed aside to make room for other aspects of our new adult lives.
So instead of going out every night, or focusing too much on your work or family, tap into that childlike side. Recover the simple joys you found in creating something that screams “you”.
Secondly (and my personal favorite), you don’t have to be perfect at it! Being passionate means loving something you do, even if it takes some time to become good at it.
Pluck away at that guitar, or miss every note during your singing practice. Mess up your fingers with charcoal or acrylics, take a hundred bad photos, knit the most ridiculous scarf, or get bruised during a kickboxing session.
It builds character, teaches you to deal with defeat and makes you a stronger, more rounded woman.
But never, ever forget: your hobby has to be something you’ll love.
Thirdly, you’ll become a more appealing conversation partner, and a person everyone wants to be around.
Subconsciously, people sense those who have that something, and it’s because their dedication to a hobby became their lifestyle.
They can see it reflected in the way they walk, talk, their choice of clothes and even their living space.
Having a passion will open doors to new people, places and opportunities.
However, don’t mistake passion for distraction or obsession. This is not a short-term way to heal after a breakup. Distractions serve to avoid the bigger issue, and you can’t be a passionate person if your heart is not 100% in it.
A passionate single life teaches you to live with and love yourself more. Now go out, and give your single life the makeover it’s been craving for so long!
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