It sounds disheartening, but… There is no set number of dates Which brings us to the ugly truth: It all comes down to your gut feeling, and how well you know yourself. Now don’t get discouraged right away, because this is even better than me giving you a cheat sheet on “how many dates before sex”. I’m going to help you figure out the number on your own, because men are as different as they come, and one and the same principle won’t work on all of them. So how can you know when to have sex? Let’s go through the list of things you should consider:
What do you currently want?
A long-term relationship, or a way to have fun? You should know this even before the first date
. Your decision will depend on where your love life is currently AND where it’s headed. If you’re fresh off a relationship, you’ll probably simply want to have some fun, and shouldn’t care much about the date count. But if you’re looking for someone to commit, then waiting could prove to be the better option.
Do you want to see if you’re dealing with a boy or a man?
When we were younger, sex seemed like a much bigger deal than it was, at that age. The constant questions on who is a virgin and who isn’t, who had sex first, when and where… But as we grow older, we start seeing such sex as trophy hunting, rather than an experience bringing two people together. How soon the guy asks you to sleep with him will help you guess where he stands on the maturity scale
What if you want to know the guy?
Then waiting for more than three dates
is the logical choice. Some of us take longer to warm up to the right guy, even if we do find him physically attractive. There is no shame in getting to know if he’s the right guy
, or what his intentions are. Whether he matches your tempo or grows impatient will be a clear tell if he’s interested in you, or just in your body. So don’t fall for the whole “will he see me as a prude???” story we serve ourselves constantly.
You should wait until you know you’re the only one
Knowing that some men and women consider sex a part of dating is progressive, and liberating
, I’ll give them that. But at the same time, it can all feel more pressuring, more like a…. competition of sorts. Not to mention you’re hypothetically sleeping with a man who beds other women besides you. The other important thing is to keep yourself sexually safe, and you can’t if he’s hopping around. For this reason you might want to wait until you know you’re the only one, or even skip the guy altogether.
But what if there’s chemistry from the get-go?
This is a no-brainer. Having sex is easy. Having great sex is not. It requires chemistry. And some lucky couples get the fireworks right away
. But if the chemistry isn’t present from the beginning, that doesn’t mean you should give up. Opt for different kinds of dates to see if anything sizzles: Latin dancing, romantic dinners, clubbing even.
You can also have sex early on to “test the waters”
As always, I’m here to show the benefits of both sides of the argument. You absolutely CAN have sex after the first couple of dates, if you’re both obviously into each other. It’s a good way to know whether or not you click physically, if there are solid grounds for a more committed relationship. Saving yourself for much later, only to realize you’re a poor match in bed will make it all the more difficult to break it up.
When the kissing gets good
A kiss is more than just that. Always. When kissing gets so good
, your head is literally spinning, that’s the signal you’re ready to take it to the bedroom. It might be worthwhile to wait and see if the second base sparks fireworks. And if some dirty talking happens as a bonus
, don’t waste time!
When you can be naked in front of him
Yes, you want to see him naked, but… are you ready to show yourself to him? We women are chock full of insecurities, especially when it comes to our bodies. So, how many dates before sex? Only when you’re absolutely sure you can get naked in front of him.
When you fall in love
One single date can end in the bedroom and lead to a great relationship; it’s not a myth. I absolutely refuse to believe that love is dead. What starts as a coffee date can seep into a lunch date, then a trip to your favorite bookstore, or you go to see that movie you found out you both liked, then have dinner, and finally, you spend the night together! No, this is not a cheesy rom-com, but real life. Real women can attest to that
! When you know in your heart that it’s right, and all of the above clicks (and it will one day), then forget all the rules and seize the day.
It’s not about rules
We often turn to endless heaps of articles and testimonies to know the proper way to behave when it comes to relationships and marriages
. And with articles like these, we want to help break you out of that mold. The truth is, we’re all different. No two men will react the same to a single approach. So at the end of the day, in these situations, what matters is how YOU feel. Never settle for less, or give in under pressure. A true man will either know when you’re ready or be man enough to ask. And when it comes to developing a strong sexual connection with your new guy, learn about how dirty talking
can help. You’ll find everything you need to know about talking dirty