Having sex with your ex boyfriend can make you feel like you’re going back in time. And not in the good way.
Does thinking about the fact make you feel like you’re at fault?
Well, slow down and just breathe. It might not be such a bad thing after all. Admittedly, many of us are in situations just like this.
When there is a need you want fulfilled, you sometimes prefer the familiar with the new and unknown. Who knows what you’re getting into with some new guy?
Added to this, in your vulnerable state, the sheer effort of finding someone new is just not worth it most of the time.
All of this depends on what it means to you and to him, and what strings are attached to that steamy night over at his place.
It could happen again, or at least the choice of making it happen could fall on you again. Is the pleasure worth the pain or will it be a downhill road from here on out?
Here are a few pros and cons of hooking up with your ex so you can make that decision for yourself.
Safe and Familiar
When it comes to sex, the popular notion of adventure might be fun to think of, but there’s a lot of risk attached to the chances of contracting a nasty STI.
With your ex, you’re fairly certain he’s clean and maintains decent hygiene. Add to that the fact you know him, and so you’re in familiar territory.
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It’s awesome and comforting how he knows what turns you on and what does not work for you.
Forbidden and Thus Exciting
Just the fact that it’s something that’s generally not advised makes it that much more steamy and sexy.
The moment you feel it’s about to go down, your heart starts racing and you feel the thrill which you haven’t felt in a long, long time.
Remind Him What He's Missed out On
Often, your ex comes running to you wanting it just one more time. He realizes what it feels like when the woman he’s having sex with knows what he wants too.
He might even want to mend his ways and become a better man than he used to be.
Sex does crazy things to the mind and body, and if he happens to be one of those who is aimlessly drifting through women, he might just realize all his mistakes in one night.
The Elusive Friends with Benefits
If it was a long time since you broke up and both of you are completely different people, there is a chance that this might turn into one of those idealistic friends with benefits situations.
If both of you are actually super busy with life and incapable of finding the energy to go on dates every weekend, this arrangement might be the best way to relieve all your work stress while helping you get satisfied and energized for the week ahead.
But remember: there’s also a chance this might work out horribly.
It’s more likely that you end up muddling your feelings largely because of your history. Plus the fact that you would like your life to be more than just sex.
When that moment hits you, you must be strong enough to make the right decision about moving on with life and finding another eligible guy who can satisfy you both physically and emotionally.
An Endless Cycle
This happens with anything that feels good and thrilling.
You are in danger of falling into an endless cycle where your emotional baggage keeps building up while you continue to get physically satisfied.
You will have to draw the line somewhere however and make sure there is some direction to your decision, otherwise this can be quite a slippery slope.
Mixing the Emotional with the Physical
What began as a casual sex with the ex scene has now turned into an emotional rollercoaster. You started off justifying this sex specifically as the opposite of what it is turning out to be.
You kept telling yourself that your feelings were not invested in this, but before you knew it, they were.
Things you never bothered about start coming into the picture. From the other women in his life and the men in your life, to feeling used and not knowing what it means to him.
While you still go on having great sex, there is this emotional baggage that keeps getting heavier and slowly but surely starts to weigh you down.
Feeling a Bit Used?
Well, it’s not supposed to be the same as it used to be, right? He doesn’t stay the night; he doesn’t cuddle, he doesn’t say many things, and he’s gone before you’re all cleaned up.
Well, these things might work for you at the start as they help keep a healthy distance emotionally, but eventually the lack of investment will catch up with you.
The bottom line is that the social taboo of sex with your ex is not entirely valid. It might work for some people who are looking for something specific and are certain that they will not fall for their ex in the process.
The pure act of sex with your ex is not enough to assure that you will end up getting back together with him and be with him forever.
There are certain times when sex with the ex would’ve been salvation and helped you climb out of a hole. There might be other times when it would have led to other bad decisions, eventually ending in drama.