We’ve all been there before: texting a guy we don’t really like, flirting with a stranger at the bar you have no plans of giving your number to, strategically liking a post of an ex-flame cause you know they’ll reach out to catch up. Sometimes your confidence just needs the boost, that flirtatious attention provides.
Especially with all of the COVID isolation, you might find yourself swiping right a little bit more just to get that dopamine rush from a new match. Even if you don’t follow through, sometimes those bits of attention add a pep to your step you didn’t know was missing.
As restrictions let up you might be finding yourself dipping your toe in the dating pool. Dip those toes girl!
But is the water feeling a little chilly? Have you been seeing someone that has not made it quite clear where you stand? Are you enjoying the company… but something does not feel quite right?
If this sounds familiar I have breaking news for you: guys get lonely too!
After months of semi-isolation, us women aren’t the only ones looking for attention. So here comes the big question- is he actually into you or is he just looking for company? We are all familiar with the idea of a guy using us for sex, but have you ever been used for companionship?
It’s not that difficult to figure out if you know what to look for.
1. You’re not going on real dates
Don’t get me wrong – I love a Target trip date as much as the next girl- walking through the isles sniffing candles and sipping iced coffee is a dream date… As long as it is accompanied by actual dates. At least some of your hang outs should be planned activities for the two of you. If it feels like you are just accompanying him on his to do list around town, then you are.
2. He does not ask you questions
Not just picking out dinner, real questions, like “Do we have a future together” “Should we move in together“. These don’t have to be answered on the spot but at least a general idea of a future together. he trying to get to know you? Your likes and dislikes? Of course you’re going to have casual conversations about your days and work.. but if a guy is interested in you he is going to want to learn more about you!
3. He does not remember details about you
There is no clearer sign that a guy is not into you than him not listening to you. So maybe he does ask you questions about yourself…does he remember the answers? If not, then he clearly isn’t too invested in getting to know you. When he does not remember details about you it’s probably because he does not care about them, you are filling a void, that is all.
4. You go days without talking
Maybe he was great at checking in when you started seeing each other, but as time goes on more and more time passes without hearing from him. Maybe he only messages you to make plans for that day or the next. That probably means he is feeling lonely at that moment and knows you’ll come running.
But some days he is feeling fine even if he won’t hear from him at all. I hate to say it, but that’s because he is not thinking about you. Why waste your time on someone that doesn’t even ask how your day is going?
5. He keeps it very PG rated
The early stages of dating should have some fire to them. But does he seem more keen on a cuddle than a make out session? Are your kisses more of a peck than a proper toe curling embrace? If he doesn’t seem that interested in the physical side of your relationship then he is not using you for sex and he might just be using you for company. SEX is crucial for a healthy relationship!
Of course I don’t mean he is being completely chaste -everyone has needs- but if your sex life leaves much to be desired it is worth a discussion!
6. He is so hot and cold
Does he give you platonic friend vibes one week and major boyfriend vibes the next? If you are never sure which version of him is going to show up for your date, it is because he is using you to fulfill different needs each time. Sometimes he may just not want to be alone and you will be his companion. Other times he might want the reassurance of physical contact.
7. He turns you down when you want to make plans
Maybe there is a new movie you want to watch together, a food truck pop up you want to try, or maybe you are feeling a little cheeky and want to spend some time with your man. Does he have any interest in your attempts to hang out? Or does he always have something better to do? If it seems like you only hang out on his terms that is because you are. You are only seeing him when he decides he wants company. Dating should be equal! You should feel just as comfortable asking him to hang out with the confidence that he will want to see you.
8. You are feeling confused
This is the biggest red flag. If he is leaving you feeling unsure at the end of the date, while chatting on the phone, or even after you hook up, that’s on him. If a guy likes you, you will know it. So if you don’t know or can’t tell what he is feeling then he might not be feeling very much for you!
If these criteria are sounding familiar then I hate to say it- but you might just be a step up from an emotional support dog. Sounds a bit harsh I know, but if you’re not being appreciated for who you are then it is time to let that man go! Or at the very least, have a talk with him and make sure you are on the same page. If you are feeling uncomfortable at all, odds are he is too.