What if I told you that your boyfriend doesn't know you love him? And this is all in spite of all the different ways to say I love you.
To explain how the thought occurred to me, let me go back to last weekend…
Three months into my new relationship, my boyfriend and I are coming back to my place after a great date. As we walk inside, he holds me tight and with a concerned look asks me if he’s going overboard with lovey statements.
I say no, that he’s being silly, seeing how I kind of love the sappy “I love you’s” and the like.
I've been emotionally invested myself, thoughtfully planning out our hangouts and dates, which I do only for those whom I love.
Despite me bending over backwards to show him how much I care, he didn’t pick it up.
We spend the next fifteen minutes talking before he came out and said, “we just don't share the same love language.”
For those who don't know...
After hearing this, I started digging around a little about love languages. And, honestly, my mind was blown.
Your love language is the way you communicate love to your closest friends, boyfriend, family, and how you in turn perceive it.
Believe it or not, there are five different languages of love:
Physical touch – expressing love through hugs, kisses, cuddling, and sex
Quality time – how much one-on-one time you devote to your significant other (SO)
Words of affirmation – loving words, verbally letting know your SO you're there for him
Acts of service – helping your SO with his workload, making him breakfast, and the like
Receiving gifts – loving through thoughtful, attentive gifts (that aren't necessarily expensive!)
With that in mind, think about which acts of love you find most proving of his affection and, similarly, what he perceives as your proof of love.
That way, you'll know exactly what to do to make him feel happy and loved.
And in case you're still stuck, don't worry, I’ve got your back.
By using these five groups, I can help you come up with an act of love that'll make him the happiest guy around.
Without further ado, depending on how your boyfriend perceives loving acts, you might want to try these on for size:
If he prefers physical touch
During the day, whenever you pass him by, try to casually touch his hand, or kiss him. Let him know you're there.
Be an attentive lover
When it comes to sex, try to be more in the moment, do things he'd like, listen to his body.
A little PDA never hurt anybody
When you're out, don't be afraid to hold his hand or caress it, and kiss him occasionally. You can also wrap your arm around his shoulders, or lean on him. He'll know you're thinking of him.
Become a cuddle monster
They won't admit it, but most men love being cuddled. Snuggle up to him and spend a decent amount of time just hugging it out on the bed. Enjoy his company.
If he values quality time more than anything else
Put some thought into your hangouts and dates
Organize your time together to get the most out of each other's company. Movies, night-time picnic dates under the stars, or a road trip just for the two of you.
Devote enough time to discuss your relationship, and how you feel. Some guys appreciate knowing where you two stand.
Communicate more deeply
Start talking about your dreams, wishes, your future together.
Lend an ear
Listen to his doubts and fears, no matter how large or small. This is something men consider the highest form of love, as they feel understood and appreciated.
If he needs loving words
Words of support, affirmation, belief in him and congratulating him on successes speaks volumes. Literally.
Use opportunities to remind him you love him. Tell him how much something he did meant to you, or even just give him a cute nickname.
Love notes and texts
Leave little notes around the apartment, or send him texts daily, or every other day. Wish him good morning and good night.
Positive affirmations – talk in we's and us's
This shows you're willing to commit, ergo – you love him. You see the two of you as one, which is the end game, really.
If he values acts of service
The path to a man's heart...
… is through his stomach. Make him a nice meal, surprise him with breakfast in bed, or make his favorite junk food. He'll appreciate it.
Ease some of his workload
Does he work a lot? Find a way to ease his workload, either by helping with the task, or just preparing him a hot bath for afterwards, or doing the dishes instead of him (not always, though!)
Give a hand when he doesn't ask
Most of all, like with our moms, the best gesture is to help with something when he doesn’t ask. Your boyfriend will see you're attentive and in tune with his needs, which says a lot about how you feel.
If thoughtful gifts are more his thing
Take him out somewhere unusual
Be creative and check out the cutest or wildest places to go on dates and surprise him!
Fulfill his childhood dream
Is there something he really wanted as a kid? To go on a rollercoaster or a specific gadget? If possible, try to indulge that dream.
Show him that you're present
Give him a reminder of some event during your dating days, or an item he wants, that he mentioned in passing.
Book a trip
Last, but not least, either book a trip, or organize a weekend getaway for the two of you. Find an activity you'll both love, but still focus a little more on what he'd appreciate most.
As cheesy as it sounds, it takes two to tango.
To better understand your man, as well as to improve yourself as a girlfriend, and to ultimately understand your own language of love, communicate.
I feel like it's something I never stop reiterating, but talking is key.
And the sooner you understand how similar or different your love languages are, the sooner you will reach that ideal relationship dynamic.