I’ll go right ahead and say it: it’s in our genes to pursue older men.
Even when I was in high school, boys that were older seemed more mature, more confident, and less…lost? I think that’s ultimately what we chase.
Someone who’s not lost.
Now I don’t want to be unfair to men our age; it’s normal that they don’t have everything planned out.
But for those of us who do, having a boyfriend who doesn’t really care about where he’ll be five years from now, or worse–doesn’t feel the need to work on that–is taxing to say the least.
While dating an older man, you usually don’t have to play games, or read between the lines.
There’s no fretting over texts, or them playing it cool. It’s much less of a headache.
You don’t have to wait for him to figure things out.
Like what he wants in life.
Or how to live without his mom.
But older men come with a few rules of their own.
Realize you come from two different worlds
The age gap is there, and it’s most apparent in your circle of friends and with family.
He could get bored at your group’s pub crawl, and you might not want to spend time with his married, older friends.
Family introductions can go wildly unexpected as well. Especially if he’s closer to your parents’ age.
The sooner you realize that you’re different no matter how many things you have in common, the easier it will be to deal with it.
Find common ground
Once you two decide to give a relationship a chance, it’s best to talk it out.
Given that with most men maturity comes with age, he’ll be more in tune with what he wants and needs.
Even the way he looks and acts around you is different than younger men, isn’t it?
Likewise, you can be honest with him.
By talking, you’ll know where you stand, and what the odds are of the relationship working out in the long run.
That being said…
Don’t rush things
At a certain point in life, there’s nothing sexier than a reliable man.
With a steady job, a house or apartment, reliable income and a life outside your world (can I get an “amen” for non-clingy boyfriends?) you’d wonder how soon you can start to leave your things at his place.
But let me stop you right there. Don’t rush anything.
If you really like all of these things about him, and more, then it’s best to wait to win him over.
Admiring the fruits of his labor is good, pursuing them is not. You’ll only chase him away.
There are plenty of trophy wives out there, and you don’t want to be mistaken for one.
He had a whole life before you
Along with the age gap comes the fact that he had a pretty big head start.
Everything you have yet to learn, he’s been through.
Everything he’s built up before you arrived will be there, even after you’re gone.
So, even if you’re tempted, don’t try to teach him lessons you know he’s already learned. Respect his life experience.
Don’t play the Lolita card
Just because you’re younger doesn’t mean you get to be childish.
As harsh as this may sound, any man who wants a Lolita will always be on the prowl for a younger woman.
This means that sooner or later, he’ll replace you with someone younger-looking.
You’re an independent, grown woman, and he’s not there to be the strong father figure.
Perceiving him that way will only lead to unpleasant conversations and bigger problems later on.
And if you don’t know how to be feminine without coming off as girly, this may help.
Be more mature in bed
You can finally breathe a sigh of relief, and forget about using moans as navigation.
Your man has seen his fair share of women, most likely, so you can bet he knows far more tricks.
Let him guide, but don’t fret about telling him what you like in bed.
The odds that his ego is bloated are very low, and he’ll know how to take a suggestion.
Accept the age gap–and move on!
Being aware of the age gap is a good thing. But it’s definitely counterproductive for your relationship to constantly worry about it.
Stop caring about what others think, and enjoy your time together.
Similarly, don’t be keep reminding him of how old you were when he was in high school, college or whatever anecdote he seems to be telling.
Enrich his life with your youth… in moderation
Given that he’s not completely familiar with all the latest trends (as the younger of you two) you get to guide him through all the fun things he could be missing.
Just don’t try to live too much ahead of his time by Instagram-ing, Snapchat-ing, and vlogging all the time.
Not only will you distance yourself from him, you’ll also make him start wondering why you didn’t go for someone younger.
Where does that leave us?
Well, dating older men is different, as you’d expect.
They’re more confident, more certain of what they want, how and when they want it.
If you recognize the same qualities in yourself and feel strongly attracted to him, then forgo the conventions and go for it.
Just keep in mind that they’re a whole different animal than men our age.
They most likely won’t want to go to pub crawls with your friends, watch dumb comedy movies, or listen to the same music as you. So you can scratch Ibiza off the list.
Jokes aside, their individualistic nature is what makes them so desirable.
It’s also what makes dating them that much more of an amazing experience. They just have so much to offer in terms of knowledge, experience, and personality.
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