Naturally, we feel that falling in love absolutely must mean you’re physically attracted to the guy from the get-go. But can you fall in love with someone you are not physically attracted to?
However when we find he checks off all the boxes except for the physical one, we pull the brakes.
As a result, we miss so many wonderful opportunities.
What’s more, a potentially life-changing relationship is nipped in the bud, simply because of that one unchecked box.
If you’re reading this, then the thought “What if” crossed your mind at least once in your life.
Or, you murmured the saddest two words, “If only”.
Of course, nothing is all emotional or all rational.
Biology and evolution play a key role in our idea of attraction.
Scientists have been studying for years what makes us prefer one type of person over the other:
Why we place so much emphasis on attraction
This is something we can’t control, as it’s been embedded into our DNA since the beginning of time. Subconsciously, women will almost always pick men who seem most fit for providing strong and healthy offspring.
It’s what all species have in their DNA, as it ensures the survival of their kind.
It’s also something we can’t ignore or wish away.
Your nose is the culprit
Believe it or not, our natural body odor also plays a role in attraction.
The natural scent our bodies create and emit through the skin can actually be picked up by the opposite gender.
It’s odorless to us, but it contains a chemical that some can not only sense, but also find appealing.
What your upbringing says
The attraction is affected by our families and the way we grew up.
For women, the male figures in their lives have a strong impact on their preferences.
These are our first and closest insights into male temperaments and personalities, and, unknowingly to us, they shape our opinions later on in life.
Different preferences on different days
Another possibly shocking fact: we want different men based on our menstrual cycle.
During ovulation, women are scientifically proven to be attracted to more masculine men: string jaw, large arms, fit body… and so on.
While on other days, we are more likely to choose a provider male with softer features, or someone who seems more emotional and intellectual, as opposed to the alpha male image.
But that pretty much confirms that without physical attraction there’s no chance of a successful relationship, right?
Physical attraction can fool you
And it’s probably happened more than once already.
You know how you fall for a guy, head over heels, only to discover on the second date that he’s an absolute jerk.
No redeeming qualities whatsoever.
And suddenly your attraction just evaporates. He’s not even a one-night-stand candidate anymore, and you just want him gone.
This proves that physical attraction is just a mere fragment of love.
There’s a lot more you need to do to get a good man in your life.
Whom we’ll find attractive depends on our DNA and our upbringing.
As such, it can’t be controlled or fixed.
But it can be learned.
So, the answer is yes; you can absolutely fall for someone you’re physically not attracted to.
And here’s how.
Evaluate the situation
The most likely scenario is that you’ve already met a guy you simply adore.
But there’s no sexual chemistry. At least for now.
Throughout history, physical attraction has made it easier for us to decide whether we want to be with someone or not.
But when that factor is out of the equation, how do we differentiate love from a friendship?
The truth is, it’s not that different.
In an ideal situation, your partner will also be your best friend.
In reality, it all comes down to deciding if that man fills all the other requirements.
If all you feel that’s missing is that physical attraction, the good news is that this can change.
Just keep in mind that the less appealing you find the man, the more difficult it will be to cultivate attraction.
There needs to be some chemistry for this to work.
What’s more, you can actively work to change how you perceive him.
And as always, there are some things to look out for.
Don’t force it
The first mistake you could make is to force yourself to feel something.
This will not only have the opposite effect but will exhaust you and make you frustrated at yourself.
Don’t try to force romantic situations either.
Physical attraction can be developed, and in most cases, it does grow.
Let yourself grow
Be patient and give yourself time.
Just like our brain creates new connections and neural pathways when we learn a new skill, it does the same when we develop a closer connection to other people.
Attraction and feelings can be formed when we dedicate more time to the relationship.
Learn as much as you can, create new memories and experiences together.
That alone will help immensely.
Actively change your mindset
The more time you spend together, the more you’ll be fond of him.
You’ll also have to work on changing your mindset.
If “The Secret” craze has taught us anything, it’s that a lot of things we deem impossible are actually very doable, so long as we keep a positive outlook.
The more we think positively about a thing, the more possible it will become, because we will create the conditions for that specific thing to arise or happen.
What you need to do, if you want to develop physical attraction to that special guy, is to write down positive thoughts that will make you grow fonder of him.
Trust me, you’ll be so much happier once the connection happens.
Personally, researching this topic made me understand better how attraction works.
It helped me realize that not everything is out of our control when it comes to emotions.
We can actually learn and practice to be in tune with ourselves, our feelings and mind.
That, in and of itself, I feel, is empowering.
You’re not a puppet of your own needs and preferences.
You rule over yourself and hold more power than you believe.
Use that to turn your love life around and find real happiness whether or not the guy is perfectly physically attractive to you.