Plenty of us find ourselves at least crushing or fantasizing about a man we find out is married. It seems like being in love with a married man can make your life hell sometimes. But what is it about them that pulls us to them?
Why we fall in love with married men
Experts argue that there are several things. For one, marriage can bring out the serious, committed side of a man. Other times if we see them with their kids it can bring out our motherly instinct.
And sometimes we succumb to the forbidden fruit aspect. We know cheating is wrong. But that can often intensify our feelings. What happens when you catch yourself falling in love with your crush?
Analyze your feelings
Try to understand what drew you to him in the first place. Would he still be just as intriguing and interesting if he were single?
Consider where you met, where you are at this point in life, and what you need from him. Noticing this married man a few times and thinking he's the love of your life are two very different things.
Can you picture the next few weeks, months or years with him? What are they like?
Are you ready to sacrifice his wife and (possibly) children for the sake of your feelings?
To act or not to act
Be honest with yourself: can you handle being "the other woman"? He has a life other than you, a wife, probably children, family friends. You will be the outsider here.
Even if he leaves his wife, what are the odds that your future together will be just as good as you picture it? For everyone outside the relationship, you'll be the homewrecker.
So, if you decide to start an affair, you should be aware of the situation you're getting yourself into. If the truth comes out, can you handle the backlash? And, ultimately, is he worth the trouble?
Imagine his other life
Every married man has a unique story behind him. Do you know his? From the get-go, understand that he has a wife he either loves deeply and won't divorce, or doesn't love anymore, but is still attached to her (so again, no divorce).
Only a very small percentage of married men will leave their wives for their mistresses. And what about his kids? Chances are he loves them to death and doesn't plan on jeopardizing their development by inserting a new woman into their lives.
Put yourself in his wife's shoes
We women really need to respect the position of wives. Sleeping with other women's husbands is just a bad idea, and it’s wrong. Even if their marriage isn't going so well, you're helping the husband avoid the issue and cause his wife pain, instead of solving it.
Put yourself in her place. How would you feel to find out your husband was sleeping with another woman as a means of getting away from you?
You'd feel angry, bitter... then start to wonder what's wrong with you, and why aren't you enough. It's an ordeal to go through, and even worse when it goes on for so long behind the woman's back.
Give yourself a break
Now that you've considered all the outside factors... give yourself a break. Take a breather. You’ve acknowledged your feelings for him. That alone is a huge step.
I'm not here to condemn you for being in love, goodness no. But I want to help you understand why it's nearly impossible to love a married man and have a happy ending with him.
I want to guide you through this so you can avoid heartbreak. Heartbreak that would inevitably happen if you pursued him. Recovering from loving a guy who's married isn't so different from loving someone one-sidedly. It's just a little more complicated, because it's still so fresh in your heart.
Start to move on
Knowing he has a complete life aside from you should be the first thing that helps you move on. Limit your contact with him. It’s time to put your fantasy aside. What does it say about you as a person to get involved in a cheating situation? You think he won’t then cheat on you at some point in the future?
Stop meeting him, avoid places he visits. Take a break from the man whose appearance makes the love even more painful.
Meet new men
There are plenty of great SINGLE men who would die to spend time with you. They also don't have to choose between you and another woman.
And your time with them is a romantic blank slate to build new memories on.
New, wholesome memories. Not sneaking around in motels, sending coded texts and terrified that someone will find out.
Find excitement elsewhere
If your love for this married guy is intensified because it's forbidden you know there are alternatives, right?
You can try some sexy roleplay, have secret sex in public, and pretend you're both hard to get (even though you're in a relationship).
Find a tamer way to fulfill that fantasy with a guy who doesn’t come with the baggage of a wife and kids.
Know your worth
Plus, you are worth so much more than being a piece of "side ass."
There are dreams, aspirations, fantasies, memories and choices that make you YOU.
And only with a single man will you be able to experience love truly and fully. Spend time with yourself, get to know who you are and what you want out of a real, loving relationship.
Find out what caused the hole inside you that you thought this married man could fill. Then start to heal it. Because finding your strength will draw far better men into your life.
Slowly start to forget. Stop and ask yourself what will make you truly happy.
Because I bet the answer isn't having an affair with a married man.
Exciting, though it may be, just how long can you push it before your heart gets broken? Start loving yourself more and drawing into your life people who will love you just as much.