Lately, I’ve been struggling with figuring out whether or not I am in love with this one guy I’ve known for some time now.
We click wonderfully, there’s chemistry and shy little smiles and looks when we’re in a group, but… it also makes me fearful that it’s no more than curiosity or a crush.
And there’s all those previous experiences where I was terribly wrong about thinking I’m in love.
However varying the types of love may be, check this list to see whether you’re actually in love.
Want to know what they are? Well, these are the ones I asked myself:
What is it that I’m feeling?
It was all so much simpler when we were little girls, wasn’t it?
You’d feel the butterflies when he showed up, you’d draw hearts in notebooks, pictured your first kiss and sigh contently…
But then we reached an age where the lines began to blur.
We learned of emotions other than love: infatuation, obsession, desire and lust.
So, the first step would be to eliminate any other possible variant of love.
Whether it is a crush, pure physical desire, infatuation….
And if you’re currently in a relationship with that special guy, maybe you can already determine which category you fall into on the relationship spectrum.
The sooner you are able to dismiss all other emotions, the sooner you can move on to the really tough questions.
Are you ready to go out of your way to make him happy?
One time, my mother witnessed a situation between my (now ex-) boyfriend and me.
Pressed for time, visibly nervous, I needed help in deciding something.
Irritated by my nervousness, my boyfriend left me to solve the issue by myself, even though he saw how frustrating it was for me.
A few days later, my mom reflected on this, and said something that stuck with me:
“If you truly love someone, it hurts to see them struggle. You’ll do whatever you can to help them.”
Being in love is jumping up at the 3AM call saying he’s upset, and being ready to set time aside for him, even if the timing’s inconvenient for you.
Or it can be as simple as merely helping him with a frustrating decision.
Do the little things not bother you?
Both from experience and observation, we all know that a surefire sign two people are not in love is the agitation that comes from pet peeves.
Leaving the toilet seat up, never putting away his socks, the way he chews food, or even how he breathes.
But, have you noticed that with this one, you seem to not notice anything?
Or at least, those tiny faults don’t bother you?
If the answer to both is yes, it means you’re actually accepting him for who he is, and not whom you perceive him to be.
Or, as someone online put it so adorably:
Being in love is looking at your partner doing something embarrassing and going: “Yes, this is where I laid my affections.”
Do you find even the most boring things fun with him?
The simplest things, like going to the supermarket, become infinitely more fun with him.
And it feels oddly… normal.
Like you’ve been doing this for a long time.
Similarly, sitting together on the train, standing in line for something, or simply being in the same place in comfortable silence without feeling bored or awkward is a clear sign you could be in love.
Why is that an indicator?
His presence alone is comforting and familiar so much so that it doesn’t need to be filled with forced interactions, and you can just be yourself.
Does the future with him seem full of potential?
Nope, disregard the wedding fantasies, the white dress and his lovely black tux.
We’re talking about serious consideration of the life you could have with him: the ups and downs, the mundane everyday moments…
Do you see yourself making dinner for the two of you after a long day at work? See him caring for you when you get sick, picking up kids from school together, attending PTA meetings at school?
Because that’s what being in love entails: being with a man you know will be a partner for life .
Does the physical attraction go beyond his looks?
Do you find the way he talks about his favorite things sexy?
Or how unkempt and drowsy he is after he pulled an all-nighter for a project?
Or just the way he laughs at really dumb jokes you never understand?
When your attraction for him goes further than when he dresses up for a night out, and you find him just as hot in an old T-shirt, you know it’s love.
It’s his mind, mannerisms, and character that you start to find attractive.
You’ve found chemistry beyond merely skin-deep looks.
Do you feel secure?
By this I mean that you feel safe and confident in knowing you’re good enough.
There are no doubts, no tragic thoughts about if or when he’ll break up with you.
Life feels less like a Victorian drama, and more like a slice-of-life comedy.
Naturally, we all have our own doubts, and that’s normal.
In any case, there are ways of rectifying this, if you’re afraid that these negative thoughts will make him leave you.
Of course, there are even more questions you can ask yourself.
We all experience love differently.
Depending on what we’re like and what’s important for us in life, we’ll gauge how intensely we feel about a guy in our own way.
However, these seven questions have really helped me.
Am I in love with this guy? I don’t think so, if I’m being honest.
At least not yet…
But I know that what I’m feeling is enough to pluck up the courage to ask him out.
P.S. Check out this amazing guide for the secrets of how to get his attention and capture his heart.
You’ll feel even safer falling in love with him when you know he’s already deeply in love with you.